Monday, December 20, 2010

Why in God's name did I do that?

  You ever been out to the bar with a few friends having a good time?  You ever been out to the bar and get a little drunk while with a few friends?  You ever go to the bar with a few friends and get drunker then you should have?  Me either.  LIARS!  FUCKING LIARS!
    Ya'll ever been out to the clubs with friends at like 7pm and start catching a buzz?  I know I have been.  Never EVER start at 7pm!!  Shit catches up to soon with you if you start that early.  If your going clubbing, go out at about 9 or 10pm.  Nothing earlier!  
    If you go earlier you'll get drunker then 4 monkey's trying to play football.  It's not a good thing to watch.  Infact, it's a sad thing to watch.  Hit the clubs about 9 or 10 and all will A OK.  Get to the club and scan the crowd.  It's your night to get laid and everything depends on your attitude and ability to work the crowd.  Scan up and down the bar.  Check each and every gal out that is sitting there.  Girls love to sit at the bar because they know that desperate men will buy them drinks all goddamn night long.
   Let them desperate motherfuckers do all of your petty work.  Let them spend their money on a pipe dreams and wishes!  Now it's time to start working your magic....   You talk a little bit with the women.  Going from chair to chair.  HOLY SHIT!!!!!  Here comes that nasty bitch with about 4 teeth to her name. Your cringing and holding back vomit in your mouth.  My lord above she's one nasty twat!
    It's getting later and your working your mojo.  Some are responding to it.  Some aren't.  They old addage for a salesman is that if you can work 10 prospects, you'll sell to 1.  Keep working motherfuckers keep working!
    Your at gal number 7 and you ask the bartender for a double Jack Daniels Rocks.  Nice drink my friend!  Great choice.  You work #7 and hope she gives in.  She's a fine looking woman with high cheek bones.  She's got an ass you can bounce quarters off of.  Her tits are pretty much perfect!  Dream girl here boys!
   NADA!  Not a goddamn thing going to happen here this night.  Nice work though.  You didn't spend a dime and you've moved on.  You belly up to #8 and talk for a bit.  You ask her if she'd like a drink.  She declines.  You order another double shot of Jack Rocks.  You work your mojo and she's not responding.  First thought is that she's a twisted cunt that needs to  be kicked in the heynannynoony!  NO DICE my friend!  
    Now you have 2 more Jack Daniels on the rocks and move on to #9... Even before you can open your mouth she tells you that she's an Olympic Shotput champion from Moscow that loves to eat fat chicks assholes.  I guess that's a strike out also.  I would have worked the shotput with asshole eating into a conversation but I guess that's me!
     You grab another Jack rocks and your feeling better then real good.  Your seeing birdies flying around singing "We are the world" and you've got your groove on!  Next stop is #10!!!  She's the bitch you noticed earlier and laughed at.  She was flossing her tooth with a goddamn rusty nail.  She's the gal who used a baseball bat as a tampon.  My lord your thinking she's look real good about this time!
    You approach her and order another jack rocks and whatever she wants.  She bats her one eye.  She tries to tuck her belly into her jean shorts.  My lord above she's looking damn good!  I mean she's fuckable from drink 5!  Ya'll get kinda nutty and the next thing you know your swapping spit at the bar.  She's into until the bartender tells you to squall her!  Tell her to settle down because she's got spittle running down her chin.  I guess the spit going through 4 teeth runs faster then a normal mouth.  
    Now your drunker then fuck and you want to blow a nut!  Let us pray that you can get it up.  Let us pray that you can even find your zipper.  Let us pray that you can even find her love hole!  JESUS CHRIST let's fuck like rabbit's your thinking!  She's smiling knowing your going to hammer home like Sammy Sosa during the homerun chase with Mark McGwire!
    You jump in bed!  She sucks your asshole!  You suck her asshole.  You spit out dingleberries.  That's ok!  Your getting laid!  You bend her over to fuck her from behind!  She farts!  Thats ok!  You'd rather have her do that then shit on you while she rides your cock.  You get your nut!  She hopefully gets her nut.  Time for sleepypie!  
    Your getting your 4 hours of sleep when you wake up.  OH MY LORD ABOVE! You think.  What the fuck have I done?  Well mister, you fucked a recovering crack whore from the inner city of New York City.  She's had multiple abortions.  She's been in the past a pole dancer at the local Elks Club.
    You look over at her and notice she has 4 teeth.  You notice that she's got shit ooozing from her pussy.  You notice that she's got snot running down her nose.  My god she's a beauty to take home to mother.  Moral of the story people is here!  Stay sober!  Stay smart!  Stay cool with who you are!  It's either that or your next adventure is fucking a homeless midget!  Your call holmes!

No comments:

Post a Comment