Saturday, December 18, 2010

Christmas shopping!

 It's exactly one week till Christmas.  I'm not quite into the season cheer but that's ok.  I"ll get there soon enough.  I work in retail so I'm seeing each and every kind of individual shopping for the holiday's.  I've seen people with tons of money get stupid and try to buy the whole fucking store.  I've seen people on a "limited" budget get stupid and try to buy the whole fucking store.
   People at Christmas time get stupid.  I mean really fucking stupid!  I've seen people who think they are high rollers pretty much remortgage their homesteads to make sure their "popular" kid has the newest "Polly Pocket" or the newest Nintendo game!  I've seen people with no money get retarded by buying everything they can and then writing a check to cover the expenses.  The sad thing is that a week after Christmas I'm calling them or sending them a certified letter telling them that they have written me a check that is bad.
   As usual I hear all the lame ass excuses.  It's not my fault, it's the banks.  It's then I have to tell them I understand your plight but until you get it straightened out with your bank I need $350.00.  At this time I usually get a person who is cussing me out left and right.  It's then I have to tell them "I can relate to your problem and all but if you don't pay this money now I'm going to have to bring in the police."  It's usually about this time I get a "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE" and the phone hangs up.
   Now at about this time I've honestly gotten into my official "Christmas Spirit."  Till then that is.  It's when they start cussing me out about all of their shit that I start getting pissed.  I'm a calm man but some shit piss me off.  At about this time I get my list ready and start mailing off letters to the bad check people and the county attorney.  At this time I'm known as the worst prick to walk the planet.  "You ruined my Christmas!" They say.  
   This is kind of a sticky situation.  I can be calm or get really nutty with the patrons.  Most of the times I stay calm.  Then theres the few times when I lose it.  I call in the county attorney, the state DCI, the United States Marshalls and the FBI.  Long story short, don't piss me off when it comes to a bad check.
   Its then I hear all the sob stories.  Blah Blah Blah Blah.  Honestly I could give a fuck!  I know little Billy wanted a fucking G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu Grip.  I want want too!  The fact is I can  pay for it and your worthless ass can't!  If I couldnt afford it, I wouldnt try to buy it!  Simple as that you fucktard! It's time to make a budget and go with it.  Don't rely on your goddamn state's assistance for all of your needs.  Stop writing bad checks and pay with cash assholes!
   It's like this.  If your going to fuck with me by writing bad checks I'll make it simple for you. I'm going to put your skanky ass in jail.  Hmmmmm I wonder what Little Billy is going to think if mommy is spending 30 days in the county pokie?

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