Saturday, December 4, 2010
Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez vs. Justin Bieber. UFC STYLE!
Justin Drew Bieber was born in Canada in March of 1994. That makes him 16 years old. First of all he's from Canada. I rest my case! The best thing to come out of Canada for music is the band "Bare Naked Ladies".
I've got to be honest once again. I hate him. He's made America stupid with how he controls the minds of children from the age of 8 to 18. I swear to God above he's an international spy trying to take over the free world! I hope I'm wrong.
I've got a friend. His name is Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez. He's a tough sumbitch. There aint nothing this man couldn't do. If I need a forest cut down, he'd grab his axe and start chopping. If I needed a house built, he'd grab some bricks and start building. If I needed to record a song, he'd write the goddamn song for me! If I needed help getting some honey's at the club, he'd show me the latest dance moves. Infact he'd most likely get the honey's for me! (Ok most likely not.. He's selfish when it comes to the ladies)
Long story short here people. I really hate Justin Bieber! So I'm thinking of what to do. Could I email him and call him a pussy? I could but he'd never see it. His handlers would make sure of this. Should I write him a letter calling him a twat? I could but he lives in Canada. I don't know if Canada knows how to deliver mail.
Then I get this idea! I call Justin Bieber's people. I want a fight. I know I know I know. I can't fight Justin Bieber but my friend Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez can! After some serious thought, Justin's people decided to give the ok for a fight. IT's going to be UFC style!
Bieber and his people are working out. Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez and his people are working out. (Thats Mr.Yamsac, Cooper, Jacobson, Jon Thomson and Curt Olsen) It's about fight time and we are getting really stoked about this fight. It's time to fly to Las Vegas. (THIS FIGHT IS FUCKING HUGE!)
We land in Vegas and Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez decides he needs to hit some clubs. I tell him that we can't do this because he's only 5 years old. He gives me that look and tells me to shut my mouth and get it done! Next thing you know, we are at the Palimino Club. He's throwing out $100.00 bills like it's water. I shake my head and he leans in and tells me... "If you can't run with the big dogs, then it's time to get off the porch!" I nod.
It's fight day people! We are staying at "Ceasars Palace" so we can relax. I get on the strip and head to MGM Grand for breakfast. I hear they have the best EVER biscuts and gravy. Once I walk in the door, I see Bieber's people. I see Bieber talking shit and thinking that this fight is pretty much nothing. I notice he's drinking a vodka tonic at 9 am. He must think he's cool. Back at the Ceasars, Austin is doing stomach crunches and eating nails! This aint no fuck around shit going on here!
It's about 2pm. Austin calls me for a favor. He asks if he can somehow get a full body massage. I tell him I'll check into it. Before we hang up he tells me he needs two hotties giving out the massage. I get it done! About 4pm Austin calls me again. He tells me to bring in some jello and ping pong balls. It's then I ask him what the fuck he's doing. He tells me not to worry about it! He's training! I say to him we have 5 hours till the fight. He responds he's got some issues to take care of and he'll make sure he's there on time. It's then he asks me for a spoon and some apple pie. I say what the fuck? He responds that I wouldnt understand! I get the apple pie!
FIGHT TIME! We've got over 15,000 people in the arena at the MGM GRAND. These fine people are paying between $150.00 to $5000.00 per ticket. This fight is fucking huge! The music starts. Its then I hear the song "We are the World" and see Justin Bieber walking down the ramp. I'm laughing my ass off. Bieber makes it to the ring. Then here comes the sound of one of the greatest bands ever KISS. "Beth" is blaring from the sound system. OOPS!!! Here comes "God of Thunder"! The song for now known fighter Austin "PitBull" Bossenberger!
Bieber and Pitbull meet in the middle of the ring. The ref gives the instructions. Bieber tries to belt into a song. Pitbull slaps his face. The bell rings... Bieber runs around the ring... Pitbull follows him. Bieber runs faster.. Pitbull runs faster.. Bieber tries to punch the Pitbull. NOTHING! Pitbull smiles and starts working his mojo. Bieber starts on the attack. Pitbull kicks Bieber in the nuts. FIGHT OVER!!!! Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez (The Pittbull) is the winner! Once again I've proven that Justin Bieber is a pussy! Hats off to my best friend Steven Austin Bossenberger Sanchez (The Pitbull!)