The obvious things in life.

  There are few things in life that are very obvious.  There are things in life that aren't so obvious.  As we all know, life isn't always filled with balloons and pretty flowers.  That's when you have to know the obvious.
    Here's a few obvious things you should know.  Never take a bath with a hair dryer.  Never call your boss an asshole if you really need that job.  Never sell drugs to an undercover federal agent.  Never bet on a dying horse.  Never ask a stripper for change.  Do not, I repeat, do not ever call an ex convict's mother a whore.
   Don't spit into the wind.  Never threaten the President of the United States.  Never ever tell your wife her mother's an idiot.  Don't tell a minister that Satan rules!  If I were you, I'd never tell my wife/girlfriend that her sister has a better ass then she does.  If your in a bar trying to get laid, don't tell the gal she'll be fuckable after about 12 beers.
    When eating a fancy place, never EVER send your food back more then once.  If you do, have fun eating a loogy with your steak.  Never walk up to a biker who's three times your size and proclaim how you would love to eat his ole lady's pussy.  When getting a traffic ticket don't ask the police officer if he's going on a diet.  This shit's pretty obvious.  Just do right!