It's 23 days till Christmas. It's my second day of giving out gift ideas for me. I'm not being greedy or anything like that, it's just that I think at my age I'm kind of entitled to a few good things. Plus, who's going to know my wants better then me?
I'm surfing the net the other day when I notice this gift idea. It's called "I am me" stuffed doll. It's a stuffed doll to look like you! Quite interesting if I must say so. All you need to do is send a photo of yourself to this company and they will make a doll of you. I figure I can give someone my photo and they take care of the rest.
Who wouldnt want a doll of me? I know I want one! I'd use it for work. When I didnt want to come into work, I'd set up the mini-Rocco T. Yamsac in my chair at my desk. That way the boss would always know I'm there. What about if I had jury duty? Why not sit my doll in the jury box to deliberate over bullshit lawsuits! If it was a murder trial though I'd want to go myself. How about if I take some girl home with me some night. We're getting our freak on and she wants me to start licking down south. I'm game for that. Till I get that stank! Jesus Christ it smells nasty. Guess what? I bring in mini me and he takes over!
What if I've been drinking beer and need to drive home. Next thing you know the cops pull me over. What to do you think? Put mini-me in the driver's seat! Problem solved! I just act like I'm his drunken twin brother. How about if I'm on a date and I realize that this skank aint going to give none up tonight. I put in mini-me and let him go through this nightmare. God bless Mini-me!
How about if I'm at church and I'm broke. When the offering plate comes around mini-me is sitting in for me. He's the one who'll look like an asshole when he doesn't cough up any cash. I get into a fight and fuck some douche up? I blame mini-me! Wasn't me! Put the little bastard in a police line up and he'll get picked everytime!
Last but not least, when it's time to go to my kid's conferences, he can go! I can't handle the truth to well.