Thursday, September 30, 2010


  I've got a friend named Steve.  Infact he's so cool he calls himself SteveBoss.  Steve grew up in the great small city of Ames, Iowa.  He excelled at a few things such as soccer, knitting, table tennis, air hockey and shucking corn!
    He tried to dominate the Ames High school district but he fell into some shady characters that for some reason loved The University of Texas.  Steve felt some kind of "connection" with these perverts.  Thats ok.... Steve was hell bent to make a difference in the world
    Steve graduates... He moves on to Austin, Texas. (Fantastic city with tons of party attitude!)  He flips from one major to another.  Thats ok his parents say!  The parents (which I've met!) continue to funnel Steve money so he can become an icon in Texas.  Steve takes some of this money and starts to buy LoneStar Beer and import it to Iowa.  Thats ok.... Then one day Steve decides he's not making the money he quite thought he should be... Next thing you know this crazy bastard starts thinking of ideas to make money!  
    Steve is desperate and knowing his money is running dry... The parents cut him off because they know he's doing nothing but partying like it's 1999!  At this time, Steve feels that he needs to start stripping.  He begins to beg local dj's to let him hang out with them.  It's great till Steve started taking over the gigs!  
    After making a few dj's feel kinda weird Steve goes out on his own!  He's booking gigs all over the Texas country side.... Some revue's are good....Some arent so good!  (Depends on which nursing home your talking too!)
    Next thing I know SteveBoss making money all over the place!  This crazy bastard decides to get stupid in Mexico!  He meets a beautiful woman named Liz... She's as hot as  fucking jalapeno!   All of my friends are wondering how much he had to pay for this fine piece of ass!  I guess I'll never know!
    Long story short is that Steve shook his ass all over Mexico till they figured it was an act!  Next thing you know he's teaching at the local high school!   Steve do you really care about your students or do you want to dance again!?!?!?!?

Grilling tips from an expert!

  I have a few passions in this life of mine... Two of them are family and beer.  The other which is really important to me is grilling/smoking foods.  It's that time of the season for tailgating and I feel that i need to give a few hints on a perfect tailgate BBQ.  
  With the tailgating experience, you need a few products.  Your going to need a grill.  The grill doesn't have to be fancy as fuck like that stupid prick a few rows down in the parking lot.  He's most likely buying that big ass expensive grill because he can't get laid or his cock is really small!  You make the call on that one!
   The one thing that I've noticed that makes grilling so much better is the type of charcoal you use.  I prefer using Kingsford Charcoal.  It seems to burn better and the burn last so much longer.  If you can find a better charcoal, let me know!
    Make sure the charcoal is burnt straight through!  Make sure the coals are white hot.  When I mean white hot, I mean them fuckers look almost orange when burning.
    My secret which I will let you in on is while I'm getting the charcoal ready I love to throw some kinda wood into the fire.  Use either hickory, mesquite, maple, cherry, apple or pecan to make a good fire.  More on different woods later!
    While the flames are getting high, put your grilling grate on the grill.  We need to make sure that the grate gets hotter then fuck!  Now it's time to add your choice of food to BBQ.  I prefer the white meats.  I will be honest though... I do love a good beef choice sometimes!  
     Here's my motto for everything.... Anything wrapped in bacon is the best!  I don't give a flying fuck if it's asshole wrapped in bacon!  It's going to be good.  I don't give a fuck if it's my granny's vagina!  If it's wrapped in bacon I know I will eat that fucker till I drop!  Bacon wrapped over tits!  I'm eating it!  Bacon wrapped over yamsac?  I'm eating it!  (I'm not gay but goddamnit I love bacon!)
       The best way to gage to know if your food is getting done is by this.....  I aint fancy or anything.... I believe in knowing your food and your grill, so fuck themomaters!    Here's how you do it.  For pork or chicken you gage your cooking level by this...  6 beers and your white meat is done.  7 beers if you want it done real good.  Now for beef... You can use the 6 beers if you want rare to semi rare.  7 beers if you want medium well.  Check into 9 beers for well.  Trust me when I say this...  This is the way to make sure your meal is done!
    Now to finish my lesson.... These are the three things to make sure of!
                   Good charcoal!  Bacon!  Beer!!!  This is the way to grill your ass off!

Lifelong Friends

   Before they were coaches, SteveBoss, Tjake and Coop were lifelong friends.  They grew up being the best of friends.  Tjake was the older one who knew how to keep the boys in line.
    Coop was second in line making sure that the baby of the family was takin care of at all times.  Before they were constantly arguing about who's favorite college team was better these 3 were one big family!
   They played all the childhood games.  They did baseball,soccer, football,tennis and track.  They loved to goof on eachother until one of them cried. (usually Boss... "What the crap Coop?")  They boys loved to do everything together.  Most of the time Tjake was trying to act tough around the boys.  Other times Boss was talking in another language and Coop was always hungry.
     The one passion they all had and still have today is... DANCING!  I don't mean just some little shaking on the dance floor.  I mean Ball Room Dancing!  These three decided to enroll at the local dance studio.  They worked their collective tails off.  (Some tails are bigger then others...Just saying is all.)  
    After years of practice it was time to show the world what they were all about.  After some competitions at the local band shell they hit the big time.  Were not talking about the county fair.  Were talking the "Bill Riley Talent Show" at the state fair!
   The boys worked their asses off to get to the finals.  With the finals looming ahead they needed a little time to themselves.  As they walked around the fairgrounds they begin talking about their futures.  Tjake mentions how he loves the ladies and basketball.  Thinking that their might be a future for him coaching girls basketball.  He just hopes that parents don't care about winning or anything like that.
    Coop talks about his love of the Iowa Hawkeyes and tennis.  One in the same he says.  Female tennis players wear skirts and the Hawkeye football team wear skirts.  It's all good in Iowa City while wearing skirts he proclaims!  Then out of no where he begins running down the midway yelling.... "I see corndogs!  I see corndogs!!!!  I see corndogs!!!"  At this time Boss yells "What the crap Coop!?!?!"
    TJake and Boss keep walking when all of a sudden Boss tells Tjake his love of everything salsa and soccer.  "Its called futbal in some countries you know"
Tjake looks at Boss and says..."I've got your futbal right here nancyboy!"  Next thing you know Boss is picking himself up off the ground.  "What the crap TJake!?!?!?!"
    After another hour they boys find Coop.  He's sitting behind a garbage can eating popcorn, corndogs, fried snickers, porkchops and wetting his whistle with a cold frosty.
     TJake then tells the others..... "Saddle up boys we've got a dancing competition to win!  If either of you two fuckers mess this up I'll kill you!"
 They get back stage.  They start stretching.  TJake starts mumbling something about "Charge charge charge till they are all dead!"  Boss starts singing the National Anthem in spanish.  Coop farts.
   Time to hit the stage boys!!!  Music starts.  The boys slowly but surely slide onto the stage and start dancing like they've never danced before.  TJake tries to flex his muscles to get the lady judges votes.  Boss does a backflip across the stage trying to get the international vote.  Coop.... Well... Coop farts again.
   They're 4 minutes into their routine when it's time to hit the big ending.  Boss backflips across the stage one more time.  TJake flexes and winks at the ladies.  Coop gets ready for his most important move of the night.
     At this precise moment Coop comes flying out of nowhere and jumps into TJake's arms.  With Boss standing behind both of them shaking his tailfeather, TJake with all his might throws Coop in the air.  It was a beautiful sight to see. Coop does a 360degree flip while slowly turning into a swan dive.  My god above this is beautiful.
   The next moment I'm not sure what happened.  All I hear is this hideous scream.  It was a scream that would make any girl proud.  The next thing I know I hear this LOUD thump!  I look up and see Coop on top of Boss and TJake yelling at the top of his lungs..... "You dumbmotherfuckers!!!  You dumbmotherfuckers!!!!  You dumbmotherfuckers!!!"  
    I think Boss is knocked out.  TJake is walking off the stage throwing his dancing shoes into the audience.  Slowly but surely Coop slides a twinkie out of his back pocket then looks at the crowd and winks.
     Once again I hear from the back of the stage.... "You dumbmotherfucker!"
                                      God Bless the state fair and the "Flying Burdingo Brothers"

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Survival of the college years.

   I did my time in Sing Sing.  Oops I mean college.  I didn't spend alot of time there but I did some time.  To some people college is the way to escape the life of highschool and home.  Sometimes college is the "GREAT" escape of all time for some kids.
    For other kids/young adults college is the way of life.  The only problem is that when they actually get there, they have no clue of how to survive.  Now this is where I come in!  I'm going to try and give all college guys and gals my knowledge on survival within the college realm.  Listen up knucklheads!  I'm here to help ya'll.  
     99% of all college kids have some sort of student loans.  Student loans are meant to offset college expenses such as books and housing.  With most student loans, there is some kind of money left over for expenses.  Rule #1.  Don't just go and blow all the left over money on new shoes and or strippers!  This shit has got to last you at least till semester!
     Don't feel you need to go and eat steak and lobster every night.  *hint*  Go to McDonald's and wait till about closing time.  Thats when they start throwing out all of the shit they just made and can't sell.  DO NOT be afraid to dumpster dive!  If your hungry, you'll dive like a fucking dolphin!  Your intake from the dumpster could be worth about 3 days meals.
      Rule #2!  Don't feel that you need to buy booze for all the parties!  If your a chick, bring in one Mikes Hard Lemonade.  Shake your ass just a bit... You know... Tease the dudes till they are giving you their drinks.  Simple as that!  Just dont let em get to stupid and feel that they need to fuck for it.  If you a dude.... The best drinking advice I can give you... Bring a six pack of cheap beer and put it in the cooler.  Walk around and mingle... Grab a beer out of many of the coolers and drink up.... Keep this up till you've finally hit your beer.  Now your drunk as fuck and u don't give a shit about what your drinking.
    Rule #3... When doing laundry, just throw them all in together.  Who gives a fuck if whites are with whites and colors with colors..... Put em all together have a drink..... NO ONE cares what the fuck your clothes look like while your in class.  
      Rule #4...  When meeting someone of the other sex at a party, don't give out your phone number right away.... What if you bump uglies with this other person and then the next day your like.."My God this person is a fucking tool."  The problem is... You've given out your phone number.  What if this person is a stalker/perv who is going to bother you all the time?  If your going to give out a number for fucks sake give out your grandma's!
    Rule #5.... When in doubt always bum rides.... Isnt it better have your friend waste their gas instead of you wasting yours?  Why the fuck would you volunteer to spend money on joy rides?  Stupid is as stupid does fuckhead!
    Rule #6..... Don't be afraid to use someone else's toothbrush!  If your staying all night with someone and you have class early, get to the bathroom before they do and brush your teeth with theirs.... Dry it off the best you can and slowly slide out of the apt/dorm room.
    Rule#7.... Make sure to call your grandparents!  Remember these people are retired and have money to blow.  If you kiss enough ass, they will buy you just about anything you need for college.  Hell people they will get you gift certificates and shit to ease your expenses!
    Rule#8...  Never EVER get caught using web cams!  Unreal shit can get pasted on the internet and grandpa and grandma might not be willing to give out the money so fast then!  Think before pink ladies!
    Rule#9...Treat your parents with respect!  If you don't, you might not get help with shit!  I know when ever I pissed my parents off, I was cut off from the family society for months on end!  Trust me on this shit people!
    Rule #10......  Last but not least!  I know booze and such will be making a few choices for you while in college.. Do me a HUGE fucking favor.  Since I know alot of college kids and I love them all... Do me this one favor!  Do NOT and I repeat DO NOT go to jail.... Nothing pisses off parents more.  If your parents are like my parents, you'll spend your time waiting in jail... Trust me when I say that!  I've been there and done that!  Trust me when i say this.... If my kid gets thrown in jail, she'll be peeling tators to work off her debts!
                                       Last but not least!  Be smooth with life and enjoy school knuckelheads!

Homecoming and fireworks.

  It's nine o'clock at night and I'm sitting around watching a fantastic movie called "The Hurt Locker."  I'm having a few beers and kicking back when all of a fucking sudden I hear the loudest boom ever!  Yes my friends I about shit myself.
    I'm thinking to myself as I jump out of my chair that it's either the taliban or some bitch who doesnt like me to blog the truth bombing my house and the surrounding block.  I get to the door without falling down.  I open the door with a pillow covering my head.  (shrapnel is a bitch I tell ya!)  At this time I jump off the front porch and roll on the front lawn.  I'm yelling at the top of my lungs. "I kaka dye!  I kaka dye!  I kaka dye!"  (Do I know what that means?  NO! but it makes me sound tough!)
     I look to the skies wondering if another bomb is going to be dropped.  It's then I discover it's fucking fireworks!  I then remember it's homecoming for our local high school.  God bless em all!  Not only are they making me shit myself but they are spending my tax money on fucking nothing!  After I dust myself off and crack another beer I get to thinking....  Hmmmm I wonder if this is where the money that them one kids wanted dedicated  to the fine arts went here?
    Now I'm loving this fireworks show for the kids.  I'm loving it with a passion!  My rant is...... Don't complain to me school board and administration that you have no money then go and blow the shit out of stuff.  Maybe you took donations and all.... Thats fantastic!  God knows I love it!  Just dont tell them kids who raised tons of money to go to the fine arts that you have just cause to do what you want with it.
     We're cutting staff and other things to make our school better then you go and have a fucking fireworks show?  What the fuck are you thinking?  IF this shit is going to keep going on, then don't raise my goddamn property taxes.  Don't make another 1cent sales tax to cover school costs.  Do NOT cut staffs and take away benefits!
     Homecoming is a way of life across America.  God bless the graduates that come back to town to celebrate it's highschool.  God bless the parades and the enthusiasm of town!  God bless the people enjoy the activities surrounding all homecomings!  Lord above knows I love it all.  Just don't blow money on retarded shit that can go into something that makes a difference for the lives of children!  That difference is called a fucking EDUCATION!
     Hell people!  IF your going to blow money like this then I say next years homecoming should have fucking band.  Hell let me call Hootie and the Fucking Blowfish!  They might play here for the price of goddamn fireworks!
    Wanna know what pisses me off more.  The day before the homecoming gane you don't even have school!  What the fuck are you people thinking?  Idiots I say!  Damn idiots!  The day of the homecoming game you let out early for the parade.  Thats all fine and dandy.  Just fill me in on why the fuck you dont have school the day before homecoming.  The man in charge of this whole fucking bullshit is a straight up fucknut in my opinion.
    I can hear the Hitler who runs this district if he's called out on this.... "It's not my fault!  Someone else approved it!"  Wanna know what douchebag?  Your the fucking idiot with the last call!  The last say!  The man with the last approval!  Your letting this money be blown on bullshit and you should be held accountable!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

This Face Book shit!

    My daughter got my beautiful wife and myself hooked on this facebook shit.  She tells us that we can check on family and friends at all times.  I'm like...ok... My bride is like OK!  (She likes to keep up on family events.)
    I've noticed a few things..... That I have a shit pot more friends then I ever knew!  I'm expecting graduation announcements and birth announcements anytime soon from people I havent seen in 25 years!  I have no problem with this as long as it's family.... When these so called friends start asking for money they can suck my dick.
   I've noticed that some of my family are pretty much retarded.  They can suck my dick also.  In the end they will be wanting money from me also.... Till then, suck my dick.  I've got 3rd, 4th, 5th cousins wanting to be my friend.... Well, suck my dick!  Where were you when I was in jail needing bail money? hmmmmmmm Once again.. Suck my dick!
     How come theres that friend or family member that loves to play "Farmville" and wants me to play?  One day I'm fertilizing their farms and the next day they are asking for a $100.00 bill.
What to do?  Like I've said before.... SUCK MY DICK!
     When I ask these so called friends and family what my kids names are and they can't answer, do I still flip them some coin?
  What if when I'm sitting at home and the next thing I know I get a phone call asking me to pay their rent what do i do?  I'll tell you what I do!  Tell them to suck my cock!  This is all good till you meet to many so called family and friends!  Keep to yourselves and be cool.... If not, SUCK MY DICK!

Cosmo says that untamed V-jay-jay's are back in.

Ok, ok, ok, ok..... I'm not a frequent reader of Cosmo Magazine unless I'm sitting in my beauticians waiting area and i'm bored as fuck.    Well, I was sitting there the other day when I grabbed a Cosmo Magazine.   
   I start flipping through the magazine and trying to read the articles.  Not much happening there for me till I get to the article about how the world is starting to turn to the untamed v-jay-jay.
  I stop and look at this title again... Then I look at this title once again.  I blink... Then I blink again!  What the fuck is going on!?!?!??  I'm old enough to remember when pussy hair was huge!  When I'm talking huge I'm talking about it was so fucking huge they had to braid that shit because it got in the way when they had to piss!  Then it got a little better.....  Chicks started trimming it so they could atleast see what was hiding underneath.  God bless the razor!!!
     I'm not into the hairy thing nor am I into that shit called bald.  When I see a bald one, I find it not as cool.  I dont need that shit!  I need a woman.  Put some hair back on that motherfucker.  If you can't have any hair on it, do the latest thing and vjadazzle it!  That means shave that fucker bald and put some beads on your heynannynoony!
     Please make that fucker worth looking at!  You've got so many different designs that I don't have time to even write about it... My thing is... Make sure there's something for me to shoot at!  Make a landing strip and call it good.  Trim it down to almost nothing but leave a little there for the imagination.  Trim up the lips so I don't have to see the goobers from inside hanging out.
     Make it worth the other person's while!  Last but not least, trim up the asshole area!  Aint nothing worse then seeing a hairy asshole!  If I were a gal, I'd trim up the beaver and make sure the love hole had a giant Y to aim at!
                                                      Please comment!

The definition of retarded.

retarded [rɪˈtɑːdɪd]
(Psychology) underdeveloped, esp mentally and esp having an IQ of 70 to 85.
This is from the Websters Dictionary.  It is the true definition of the word retarded.  Now this rant isn't about people who are unfortunate to be retarded.  This rant is about people who are plain ass fucking stupid when it comes to life.
   Look at the picture to the left.  Why i God's name would you even think about wearing something so fucking ridiculous like this outfit?  Wanna know why?  Because your a fucking retard!
   How about that idiot that wears the skin art vowing he's a skinhead?  Is this fuck trying to intimidate me?  If he is, then he's got another thing coming!  What about the douche who in the middle of the check out line at the local grocery store decides to cut that long ass fart that will stink for the next 10 minutes?
Wanna know what they are called?  All of them?  RETARDS!  
   For fucks sake people don't be stupid!  Wake up and smell the goddamn coffee and become someone in today's society!  What about the bitch who gets knocked up and decides to rape the welfare system?  Isn't she retarded?  If she's trying to get back on her feet then no!  If she's fucking the world over and ripping off the taxpayers, then yes!!  She's a fucking retard!
    What about the parent that continually makes her kids look as good as they are even though everyone around knows they are poo?  To me, thats a fucking retard!
What about that person who can't pay their bills but still has enough money to buy stupid shit?  Then the same person blames everyone else for their problems.... Isn't that a fucking retard?!?!?!?
      What about that parent that has gotten pregnant like 14 different times but refuses to work?  RETARD I SAY!   What about that so called "hot" chick who thinks she's the shit but has this dumbass tattoo on her ass crack that says "easy"?  Isnt she fucking retarded?
      I guess I'll stop ranting now and find something better to interest me!
                                                 Comment if you like!

Monday, September 27, 2010

The New MrYamsac!

     If ya'll want more shit to get world wide, you need to mention this website to all of you friends!  Then we can start on our own website for the public!  Merchandise will be available!

                                         God bless and please comment!

The different words for vagina.

       I'm not old but I'm not young.  I will say this though.... I've been around awhile..  Not that it's something cool or whatever but I've seen alot in my few years on the earth.  
     The thing I'm wondering tonight is.... what do we call a vagina today?  Back in my day is was called a pussy...  Now they have so many different terms for it.  My biggest question is.. If I'm hammering some chick do I call it her pussy or what?
    Do I look down at her and tell her to spread her twat?  Do I tell her to spread her cunt?  Do I tell her to spread her taco?  DO I tell her to spread her heynannynoony?  Do I tell her to finger her cumsucker?  WTF do I do?
   What if I've got an old bitch that is like 66 years old and she wants me to hammer her?  Do I say.... "Well ma'am could you please spread them beefflaps for me?"
   Do I call my mother and ask her what they called her pussy back in the day?  What the fuck would you do?
                                                  Comments are welcome!

Dont be stoopy! Wipe your poopy!

    I'm at the local grocer tonight looking at the veggie isle.  I'm working my way around when the next thing I know is I hear this little guy tell his mother that he has to go to the bathroom...  I look at him and he has that look of fright that i famous to a young child... He's either going to piss his pants or shit his draws!  
   At this moment his mother looks at him and tells him where the bathroom is...  I kinda breathe a sigh of relief..   At about this time we look at eachother as she tells him to go to the north then take a left.  Thats where the bathtroom is son!  I'm kinda like this is cool he'll be ok... Then the unspeakable happens!  She looks at her son between the age of 7 to 10 years and sternly says.... "Don't be stoopy!  Wipe your Poopy!"
   Jesus Christ bitch!  Do  you not understand what the fuck you just did?  This poor little fucker is in the bathroom dumping wondering who the fuck heard all of this!  Here's my thinking.  I hope he takes the biggest shit ever!  I hope its runny as fuck then when it comes time to wipe it all up he decides to use his skivvies!  After he drops this load of dung I want him to forget wiping his ass and then take his underwear and pull it up his ass as far as he can!
    I'm praying he does this for the next 10 years!  I want his mother to have to clean his underwear every week with shit running down the ass part!  You my friend are one dumb cunt! I'm praying as he hits his teens that he pulls his underwear so far up his ass at all times that they will be shit stained forever!  Then to make it even better.... I'm hoping he has a fucking wet dream every night till he moves out!  Now thats justice for his mother being one dumb cunt!! Clean out the shit and cum all at the same time!
    At this time because I'm fucking retarded I'm thinking...  What if he becomes a mass murderer because of this episode?  Does he knock off 35 people at the local Wal-Mart for the fuck of it and then it's time to explain to the judge?  If so, heres what I'd say if I was this little fuck...  Hopefully his mother is looking on in the courthouse.. When the judge says to me what I want to plead... I calmly say.... "Don't be stoopy!  Wipe your poopy!"
    My lord some people dont need to make kids!
                                             Comment if you like!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Stupid Celebrity Quotes.

   60 of the dumbest quotes of all time.  These are funny but mostly fucking retarded!
 "Smoking kills. If your killed, you've lost a most important part of your life"  Brooke Shields  (She's an idiot!  Remember the movies she did when she was young?  They tried to make her as sexy as fuck because they knew she couldnt act!
  "If we dont succeed, we run the risk of failure."  Dan Quayle  (yes people this stupid fucker thought he could be president of the USA.  Dont ever bitch to me about Obama! anymore!)
  "The internet is the way to get on the net."  Bob Dole Republican Presidential Candidate  (Another stupid fuck)
  "I go to lots of overseas places like Canada."  Britney Spears. (Another starstruck whore looking for more fame then she's worth!)
  "I think war is a dangerous place"  George W.Bush.  (Yes my friends, another idiotic statement!)
  "I'm so much smarter now!"  People are like "take your top off!"  SORRY NO!  Theres no way they are getting that MONEY shot!
  "I'm thinking gay marriage should be between a man and woman."  Arnold Schwarzenegger
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.»  Maria Carey...
   I have opinions of my own...STRONG OPINIONS!!!  Sometimes I just don't agree with them.  George W. Bush.
    "Facts are stupid things!"  Ronald Reagan
 "I love California!"  "I pretty much grew up in Pheonix!"  Dan Quayle
                                   Last but not least!!!!!   My daughter wasn't pregnant till the day before she had the baby!  (That one idiot bitch that is still breathing!)

To drink beer or not to drink beer?

  Because I'm pretty much fucking retarded, I've been searching the internet for stupid shit.  I keep searching and searching... Next thing I know I come across this picture to our left.
   It's a picture of an October Fest beer festival in Wisconsin.  Thats all good and such.  My problem is that I love beer!  When I say that I love beer, I'm telling you I'd give up my kids for a case of great beer.
  I so bad want to go to an October Fest somewhere.  This October Fest in Wisconsin seems cool.  Plenty of brats grilling along with saurkraut.  Lord knows I love brats and saurkraut.  My problem with this whole October Fest in Wisconsin is this..... When I want refills in my beer mug do I ask for some waitress that I'll have to tip like $10bux go and get me a beer or do I saunter over and get a refill from the overflowing cock of beer?  If I'm dead broke and don't want to fill my cup do I gently suck on this beer cock?  If I'm sucking on this beer cock, do I stroke the beercock's balls?  If I'm wanting some extra head on my beer do I finger the beercock's asshole?
     Is the beercock pissing or blowing a beer nut?  I mean if I'm going to get personal with this beercock, I want answers bout what it is!  If I blow this beercock enough, will it call me in the morning?  Will it remember my name?  How many people have sucked off the beercock before I have?  Does this foaming beercock have diseases that I need to worry about?  Do I need to get some kinda of shot before I go to October Fest in Wisconsin?
   Does this beercock have a problem with fumunda cheese?  Do I have to tickle the beercock's balls as I'm getting my fill?  
  I mean I LOVE beer but do I want to really become a whore to a beercock?  The choices are to much to handle.  What about if I just kiss the beercock?  Will that still fill my cup?  Does the beercock have a number I can call if I'm not satisfied?  How many beers does the beercock fill?  What if I'm the last person wanting my cup filled...  At this time will the beercock be shooting dust?
     Lord help me!!!!  I need an answer now sir/madam!  Do I just kick back or get freaky and suck the beercock?  Trust me when I say this..... I dont think I'll be going to Wisconsin soon!

The Art of Tailgating

   My favorite sport in the world is college football.  Last night I was fortunate to get to an NCAA game.  With college football, you have two things going for ya.  You have the excitement of the game and the most important thing.  Tailgating!
    Now I've been around this sport of tailgating for many of years.  Infact, it's actually became second nature to me and my friends.  We usually hit the game about 6 to 8 hours early.  Bringing up the grill or grills if needed.  We set up the tables with all of the finest foods around.  
    We then hook up the t.v.'s and all of the satilite dishes so we can keep current with whats going on around the country with college football.  We can do anything normal.. We normally don't!  It's all about making the most out of the day.  We might grill or smoke some chicken.  Maybe it's steak.  Could be porkchops.  It doesn't matter, as long as you tailgate!
   The one thing everyone needs at a tailgate is this.... Booze.  It can be mixed drinks or beer.  Personally I prefer beer but on some occasions when I've got an early start then we start off with "Bloody Mary's."
    Now to the party part of tailgating.  Make sure you have plenty of food and booze for everyone.  If not, send that rookie of the clan to the store to get more!  Now to mixing fun with food.  Have your master chef (this is an art that people take turns at.) get the fixins around as you heckle the other teams fans.  Now don't get to stupid with taunting the other teams fans.  It can (I've seen it) get really ugly.  Sometimes the police are called into action.
    If by chance the other teams fans get retarded, do this.  Offer them a drink.  If that doesnt work, offer them some food and drink.  If that doesnt work, have the biggest motherfucker in your group handle the situation.  About this time theres like 2 to 3 hours left till kickoff.  At this time you'll have some college kids roaming around looking for free beers and food.
   It's not a bad thing.  Remember they are poor college kids needing something to fill their belly's.  Give the dudes some free grub and a couple of beers.  Give the gals some free grub and some mixed drinks.  Then heres where it gets real fun.....
    Keep feeding the stupid college drunk dudes beer and encourage them to have the gals of the group show their tits!  If it doesnt happen this time do not (I SAID DO NOT!) give up.  Offer food and booze to the next couple of groups.  At this time ya'll will see some titties!  Hell ya'll might get lucky and some chick drops her pants and then bends over to show you her hotdog bun between her legs!
    TO me people this is fucking tailgating!!!!  If you lucky enough you might have enough gals wanting to have the contest of... "Who has the cutest hotdog bun" contest.  I dont give a fuck who you are there boys... YOU CAN'T GO WRONG NOW!
   About this time it's time to mingle your way to the stadium.  This can be fun because you know your friends up the way are tailgating the same way you are.  You should be able to at the very least see about 30 sets of college titties and 20 college hotdog buns!  Aint this shit great?  It aint even kick off and your getting more action then you could at the fucking strip joint down the street!
    GAME TIME!  Get to your seats and enjoy a classic battle between two football teams.  Sit and relax with your cinnamon flavored peanuts.  If you havent tried them, get to a game now!  Fuckers are heated up with cinnamon.  Yummy the fucking yummy!
   Game's over and your team either wins or loses.  Theirs two ways to look at this shit.  You can get depressed and go home or go back out and tailgate.  I say tailgate!  Don't be a pussy and sulk if you lose.  Take the bad times with the good times.  Start your tailgate back up and have a few cocktails.
    At this time if by chance your team loses, your going to have a few fucked up cocksuckers flipping you shit.  Don't mind it.  Just slowly drink your beer and let a few things fly......
Example....  One guy says to you.... "You guys suck!"  Respond with... "Not as good as your mother did me last night."
  At this time the crowd is laughing their collective asses off.  This is when you need the biggest motherfucker in your group to take care of crow control because theirs a chance your going to get your ass kicked.  When this is all going down, sit back and sip your drink and just smile.   
    Now look left then look right.. Somewhere along this late game tailgate is another set of college titties and hotdog buns.  I hope and pray that I've been able to teach each and everyone of you the art of tailgating in one form or another.
                                            Comments are welcome!


Friday, September 24, 2010

The making of Mr.Yamsac

     Wanna make a difference?  Then it's time to buy some MrYamsac merchandise.  In the next few weeks we will have a catalog to show people.  We'll show what we can do!  There's nothing better then going to a college party with your Mr.Yamsac merchandise on!  We can make t-shirts, hats, shorts, condoms and many other things that are wanted!
    You can be the stud of the party with your official MrYamsac tshirt.  Drop me a comment and I'll see what I can do!

The old Post #10.

    Now I'm up to post number 10.  I don't know if I've ran out of ideas or not but here goes.  My big thing is... Celebrity's public nudity..... How come everytime I turn on the t.v. I see a shot on TMZ of Paris Hilton flapping her heynannynoony!?!?!?!  How come everytime I flip to a website theres Lindsay Lohan showing me her tits?  Didn't she just get busted again for failing a piss test that will fuck up her probation?
   Why is it that every Hollywood starlet wannabe has to give me an upskirt?  I know I know I know.... I'm MrYamsac and starlets want me to see this shit.  My problem is.. Theres a few starlets I dont wanna see!  Why is it that everytime I look up that Britney Spears has one hell of an upskirt of her snatch?  It's one of two things.... She's either really proud of that motherfucker or she's trying to air it out!
   Why did Alyssa Milano bitch when people found nude pictures of her on the internet?  I mean for God's sake she's the one that was showing her booty on the beach!  Hell her fucking mother posted an internet site bitching about the nude pics.  Well mamma!  Tell Alyssa to not walk around some fucking beach butt naked when the papprazi is around!  Common sense here people!  I've got to be honest here though.... Alyssa would look good underneath me.
    What about the old dried up Pamela Anderson walking around with her brand new fresh titties hanging out?  Is she looking for attention or really stupid?  (to be  honest... I've seen the Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson porn vid.  She knows whats she's doing)
     Katy Perry!  She's been doing everything she can to get her whatchamuhcallit shown on camera.   I mean she's bending over trash cans... She's doing the splits in the air... She's putting her legs up on speakers and such.  HOW COME NO ONE CAN GET THAT SHOT?
    What about that Disney chick?  What the fuck is her name?  She's the one banging that tool  Zach Efron.
My lord I cant remember her name!  I guess she aint famous enough for me.  How come back in the day we didn't have hollywood starlets showing off their nubins?  I mean what about when i was a kid and had a crush on Mary Tyler Moore?  Then theres June Cleaver!  You could bounce quarters off of her ass!  Don't forget Mrs Brady!  I would make her cum in 14 different languages!  My lord she was hot.
     Lets get beyond Mrs.Brady... How about Alice the maid for the Brady's?  She could cook and clean a house like no ones business... In my mind she was always horny and could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
    Ginger or MaryAnn?  Ginger was the Hollywood starlet... MaryAnn was the midwest country girl.  My feelings here is that Ginger has had more cock then a urinal.... Then theres MaryAnn... You know she's a virgin from Kansas.  Poor Gilligan... This poor fuck is hammering himself 3 to 4 times a day thinking of MaryAnn.  She's rocking the cutoff jeans and teasing that poor fucker till he explodes.
   Back to my question!  How come these babes never EVER got stupid like these other gals?  Wanna know why?  Because they always acted like ladies!  They didnt need to show their whoohawwws or heynannynoony's to get peoples interest.   They knew how to act and make you think.
     I've got to be honest here though.  The one starlet of today's standards I wanna see nekid is... Christina Auguilara.  My lord she's smoking hot!!!  She could shit and I would swim a mile of it to find out where it came from!  Lonig story short!  If your famous and you dont want to look like a fucking tool.... Keep your legs crossed and dont let some idiot take pictures of you pussy!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The History of MrYamsac

     It's time for a little history of MrYamsac.   He was created in 1967 in Charleston, South Carolina.  He was born between two musical genius's Edwin McCain and the fantastic Darius Rucker.  At one time they all lived in Charleston, South Carolina. For a fact, Darius and MrYamsac were born exactly 369 days apart.  Theres a great chance they could be twins.  
    I have this feeling that Darius and MrYamsac met at one time while both living in Charleston, South Carolina.  More and more I think about it, i think that Darius and MrYamsac could be brothers.  Both of them love country/southern rock music.  Darius was the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish.  MrYamsac LOVES the band Hootie and the Blowfish!
    MrYamsac loves white women!  Darius is married to a white woman!  MrYamsac dances like a black man!  Darius is a black man!  Darius talks about living poor in Charleston, South Carolina!  MrYamsac lived poor in Charleston, South Carolina!
     MrYamsac at one point moved north... NEVER EVER forgetting his southern roots.  He still loves fried green tomato's, collared greens, catfish, fried okra and grits!
   MrYamsac's first name is Rocco.  It comes from his Italian heritage.  His middle initial is T.  The T stands for Tasty.... MrYamsac just doesnt like to advertise that his Yamsac is that Tasty.  Next thing you know people are wanting to market it with the Tasty Burger and shit.  His full name is Rocco T. Yamsac.  Get used to it!
    MrYamsac has a masters degree in life.  Nothing more and nothing less.  MrYamsac can talk about life with anyone on about any subject!  MrYamsac has been down the road with the good, bad and ugly.  Infact, he's dated a few ugly's  Thats ok..... We all learn from our mistakes.
   MrYamsac has met some great people... MrYamsac has met some people who after you talk to them need bullets to the head.  That's ok.... MrYamsac loves to fuck with people!
   I just hope ya'll can enjoy some daily ramblings from MrYamsac.  He'll try and make your life a little more fun!  Don't forget to check back for some great products from the MrYamsac store.  
                                            All Comments are welcome!

The Marketing of MrYamsac

      I've been thinking this over for a few years...  To me ,MrYamsac is something that needs to be admired.  He's someone of trust.  He's someone of morals.  He's someone of humor.. He's someone of values.  Infact, MrYamsac cares about everyone.  That is till you piss him off.  Then thats another story.
     Here's my goal.... I figure that I can write witty and funny stories/facts everyday for the rest of my life.  My goal is this.... Why don't we make MrYamsac some body of importance?  Why dont we make MrYamsac personally famous!  I'm talking about t-shirts, hats, coffee cups, condoms and other assorted merchandise!
    To the college market, do we need a MrYamsac?  If so, let the people know!!!!!  I've already got the logo here ready to market.  In these blogs I promise to make them funny as fuck with a little twist on life.  My goal is to see a MrYamsac t-shirt on some major college game.  Hopefully the fucking National Title Game in either football or basketball!  Hell people lets have someone wearing that at each game!
    Let me know what you want to read and I'll be glad to oblige ya'll!  I love any information that will peek the interests of others!  I love politics, sports, cooking, beer and all things fun!
    Let's get MrYamsac off the ground and someday soon we can have a website with whatever is asked of me to do.  If I can get a friend to find 10 people to start watching this blog and want to order something from MrYamsac, we'll make sure you get some free shit!
     If your interested in MrYamsac, let me know!  I can send you some samples of anything I'm coming up with!  TIll then loyal flock!  Have a great night/day/weekend!!

                                               Comments are welcome!

The rules of college dating.

   Tonight my friends it's time for me lend a hand to all my brothers living the college dream.  College is fantastic!  You've got classes.  You've got parties...  You've got weekend athletic events...  You've got friends that you will meet everyday and hopefully keep for the rest of you lives.
   Now to the real reason of this blog.   It's about meeting someone of the opposite sex.  You can meet her at the dorm party.  You can meet her at the dorm across the street party... You can meet her at the dorm party in the next state.  It doesnt have to be about the dorm parties!
    Now listen up homies!!!!  Rule number one... Do not!  I repeat!  Do not!  Be a straight up douche when meeting the females.  Talk normal.  Don't be some kid all jacked up on redbull.  Be smart about what you say to the ladies.  98% of all women want somebody with brains.  The other 2% you call when your girl is gone for the weekend!  (Disregard that!!!!)
    Let me give you the rules in a 10 through 1 format.

10.  Don't be a douche.  (How you going to get some play if your a homo?)
 9.    Respect her thoughts.  (Most likely she's smarter then you so you might as well learn.)
 8.   Tell her how you love animals.  (I dont care if you killed the neighbors cat!  Tell her you love em!)
  7.    Until you have a relationship pay for the dates!  (I dont give a fuck if you have to sell blood, sell your car, cash in cans or drop a load at the sperm bank!  Pay for the first few dates.  Make sure you wash your hands!)
 6.   Don't look at other gals.  (I know there are going to be other chicks to look at.  Some will have a sweet rack or an ass you can bounce quarters off of.  JUST DONT LOOK!)
 5.   Tell her how much you love your mother.  (I dont give a fuck if your mother gave you a clothes hanger enima for the last 13 years of your life... Tell the chick you love your momma bad!)
 4.   Chicks dig poetry.  (If you have to rip of poems from whomever, do it!  Chicks dig poetry!)
 3.   Always tell her she looks nice. (I dont give a rats fat ass if she's bloated and has zits covering her whole fucking face. Tell her she's hot!)
 2.  Answer her calls.  (Until you figure out she's a nut or psycho, always answer her phone calls!)
 1.  LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!!!!!   Never Ever on the first date ask this to a new prospect!
                       "You mind if I lick you where you pee?"  Just dont do it!!!!!  Back away from that shit boys!!!!
                                                 Feel free to comment!

Reggie's life has got to suck.

        This is a photo of Reggie Bush getting escorted off the field the other night after breaking his leg.  Reggie is a talented athlete but a true fuckhead.  This man came from nothing as a high school athlete to being one of the best Heisman Throphy winners of all time.  This success came with a few extras though.  He had to have a little walking around cash on him.  He had to have a crib for mom and pops to hang out at.  The motherfucking condo was worth millions!  Wanna know how they afforded it?  They got some greedy cocksuckers wanting to be his agent putting up all the money.
   When confronted about this situation, Reggie responded.... "I aint got no know how of whats going on. Know what I mean?"  Then he gets in his Range Rover and drives away.  Hmmmmm Where the fuck did he get the money to buy this?  I remember when I was in college I was driving a 1973 goddamn Chevy Vega!
   Was I a Reggie Bush?  Fuck no!  But goddamn I was one poor college kid as he should have been.
Reggie goes on and wins the Heisman.  Nice job kid!  Next thing you know he's getting drafted by the New Orleans Saints.  He's getting paid millions now... Not just a million at USC.
  Reggie's doing pretty good now.  He's bending over international famous for no reason hottie Kim Kardashian.  He's banging her like a screen door during a hurricane.  He's banging her like a bass drum for the Salvation Army at a fund drive.  He's hammering her like a roofing crew come 5pm closing time!
    Next thing you know.... He and USC are getting investigated over all of this improper money issues for his family and him.  He's found guilty.  Kim (Love my booty) Kardashian tells him to hit the road.  USC is put on probation for 5 years.  NO bowl games for the next 2 years.  USC takes down anything to do with Reggie Bush.  His AD is replaced by a man of morals. (Pat Haden)
   The Heisman Club is going to meet about taking his throphy away.   Then one day Reggie sees the light.  He  gives his Heisman Trophy back.  Then less then one later.  Reggie is playing for the Saints and ends up breaking his leg.  NOW GODDAMN REGGIE!!! THAT SUCKS SOME MAJOR ASSHOLE!  Wanna know what this is called?  KARMA

Saturday Night Tailgate Party.

    Seeing my first live college game of the year Saturday night.  I was a season ticket holder for 13 years then took some time off so I could follow my child and watch them do some really nice things on the court.  My friend Zeke and decided to get tickets again along with our other friends Mike and Dave.  Zeke and I share a ticket since one of us two have to be at work at all times.  This way one of us can go.
   The one thing I loved about college football is the tailgate parties.  I've got to be honest here, the team I root for hasnt won alot in the last 100 years.  We've had a few great years but nothing fancy.  During this whole time I've been a season ticket holder, the best thing about the games was and is the tailgates.
  My friends and I have learned through the years about how to tailgate. At first we were kinda weak.  Then it got better.  (Mostly because the wives took over the menu.)  We've enjoyed bringing our families with us.  We've enjoyed bringing other friends with us.  The time I took my friend Scott with me and we got drunker then four motherfuckers.  Were walking around from tent to tent.  Next thing I know were in a Nebraska Husker tailgate tent drinking their beer and eating their food.
   This Husker backer decides to strike up a conversation.... We exchange pleasantries.  We mingle and talk.  Scott and I eat more food and drink more of their beer.  Next thing ya know I'm telling this Husker goober that I'm the largest cheese farmer in southwest Iowa.  Told the idiot that I had over 100 acres of chedder cheese, over 100 acres of colbyjack cheese.  Told him that I had thousands of acres of swiss cheese.  That it took me hours and hours to make the holes in the swiss.  We drink more of his beer.
     I've tailgated all over the country.  Hitting as many Big12 and Big10 cities as possible.  I've got dreams of making sure I tailgate at Notre Dame, LSU, Ohio State and Michigan to name a few.   I've tailgated at Bowl games all over the country.  The best bowl tailgate has to be the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville, Florida.  The worst has to be The Independence Bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana.
   The worst place to ever tailgate has to be Lincoln, Nebraska!  These fucks can't even tailgate near the stadium.  The best place to tailgate?  I'm being biased here but I'm telling the truth.   Ames, Iowa at Jack Trice Stadium!   I'll let you know how this weekend goes.  I've gotten older so I don't know if I've got the tailgate in me anymore.  (I bet i do!)
                                                       All Comments are Welcome!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Serious Idiots!

     You ever met them one people who you want to like but they are serious idiots?  I have.   I've tried being their friend and tried making everything right for them.  You try and try... Then you try and try some more.  The problem is with these people they don't get it.  They keep running their mouths to only make it worse.  They go and fill others with lies and hope that they can make them believe it's the truth.
   I've got a problem with a few.... I've got one that is trying to make me the bad guy... Thats ok.. I can deal with it.  This person has fucked me over and over before and I've been nothing but nice to them.  Now they want to try and ruin me.  Thats ok also.  I can deal with it.  I pray for them that they dont piss me off.  If by chance they do, it's that all hell is going to break loose!
      Come fuck with me and my family... I'll make you shit yourself.  Simple as that.  I've got a few things to say to them and the problem is... They want to run their mouth and not talk to the source.  Thats ok.....  Talk your shit and we'll see what happens.
     I've learned through the years to love someone till it's time to not love someone.  Well, it's time not to love someone.  I know that I've paid out of my pocket for this person to try and make themselves better.  Never happened.  They decided to talk shit and make excuses about everything.  Thats ok.... Welcome to the world of KARMA!
     I've lost a few friends through the years because of idiots....   I hope ya'll feel better about that!  I've got threatened over idiots.. (It'll happen again soon!)  Personally I dont give a fuck.  My life is dedicated to making my family and friends feel better about themselves.  If you idiots cant figure this out, then it's time to move on and fuck with someone else!
    I've got an idiot that thinks he's the killer bee.  He's a douche!  I've got an idiot that whines about everything and thinks everyone is against them.... Guess what fucker.... Everyone does hate you!  I'v
      I've got a school district that treats its teachers like shit!  Remove the head and the body will soon follow! Seems simple as that to me!  To my friends in the business...  I want to thank you for everything you do.  I'm sorry for anything that has happened.. Trust me when I say this my friends.... All will be good!  Karma is a bitch and we've all been bitched slapped.....
      Work your magic and everything will be ok!!!!   I'm more then willing to take the bullet for you people!  God bless and I love you!

The world of sex.

      The world has and is revolving around sex.  It's as simple as that.  Through the ages, sex has been a main stay with the entire world.  Along with religion, sex has started wars.  Infact, people die everyday over sex.  If you look at the obituaries everyday, someone has died over a cheating spouse.
      Sex has brought nations to their knees.  Sex has brought political parties to it's knees.  Sex has brought famous people to it's knees.  Sex has brought religions down.  Remember Jerry Falwell and Jim Baker?  Whats the big deal about sex?  It makes you feel good of course!  It makes you feel like your on top of the world.
   Sex makes you want to live longer and fight the fight against anyone!  Sex makes you want to get dirty.  Makes you want to do things that would make your momma either puke or ask you for advice!
    Sex can make you alot of money or make you lose alot of money!  People need to realize that sex is a good thing if you do it right!  Sex can kill you!  Sex can make you keep diseases around for the rest of your life.  Sex can make you take your diseases and pass them on with out the other people knowing it.
     Sex will make you murder your own family members.  Example.... Your brother is banging your wife... Whats to do?  Put a gat to his head and blow the motherfucker off!  Seems simple to me.  Wanna know what made me do that?  SEX DID!
                    Have a good night and please feel free to comment!

Diary of a madman!

      Since I'm just getting into this blogging thing, I'm going to give you a little peak of who I am.  I'm the type of guy who loves a good time.  I love to watch people grow and laugh.  I love to watch good comedy!  I love family.  My dislikes.  People who whine about everything.  People who think the world evolves around them.  People who blame everyone else for their fucking problems!
   I hate that bitch who can fuck up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then blame the entire world about it.  I hate the woman who can get tons of money for doing nothing at all... Then the dumb bitch spends it all and has nothing left over to pay her bills.
   I can't stomach the dude who thinks he's the shit but doesn't help one bit on paying the bills.  Personally thats a fuckhead.
    I love smoked food.  I love going fishing and catching that big one that ya'll have ever wanted to do.  I love hanging out with friends and laughing till it hurts.  I hate people who think the world is against them.  My answer to that is to man up and stop being a fuck.  I fell people should be treated equal till they prove they are fucking idiots.  Then it's time to push them aside and make new friends!
     I love loyalty!  I know I'm loyal to a fault.  Sometimes its good..... Sometimes its bad!  The only thing I know is that with loyalty is that I'm going to be there for you till the end.  My comments to all of you are..... Make sure you respect people and love without envy!  Treat people as they want to be treated and all will be good.  Karma is a wonderful thing and if you live life with the knowledge of karma all will be good!
                                                 Comments are welcome!

Let me introduce myself. I'm MrYamsac.

    It's time for a new day.  I've come to the conclusion that people are generally nice.  I've come to the conclusion that things will be as good as you let them be.  I've come to the conclusion that we as humans can if we want to truly enjoy eachother.
    Little about myself.  I love life, family, beer, good food and fun!  I enjoy having a good time and making people think.  My blogs will be about things that make people sit up and think.  My topics will range from anything to anything.
   I have a beautiful family who when I choose will be more then glad to tell you about.  I love southern cooking! I love cheap beer and good music.  College sports make me get stupid!  I love all sorts of athletics but college sports interest me more.  Were talking NCAA football, baseball, wrestling and volleyball.  These kids doing this for an education deserve our attention.
   I've got many opinions on tons of things and I hope in the future I can make you think about what I've written.  You may agree.... You may disagree.  Either way I'm hoping your comment and let me know your feelings.  I love a good debate!
                                                          Till then friends,