Thursday, September 30, 2010

Grilling tips from an expert!

  I have a few passions in this life of mine... Two of them are family and beer.  The other which is really important to me is grilling/smoking foods.  It's that time of the season for tailgating and I feel that i need to give a few hints on a perfect tailgate BBQ.  
  With the tailgating experience, you need a few products.  Your going to need a grill.  The grill doesn't have to be fancy as fuck like that stupid prick a few rows down in the parking lot.  He's most likely buying that big ass expensive grill because he can't get laid or his cock is really small!  You make the call on that one!
   The one thing that I've noticed that makes grilling so much better is the type of charcoal you use.  I prefer using Kingsford Charcoal.  It seems to burn better and the burn last so much longer.  If you can find a better charcoal, let me know!
    Make sure the charcoal is burnt straight through!  Make sure the coals are white hot.  When I mean white hot, I mean them fuckers look almost orange when burning.
    My secret which I will let you in on is while I'm getting the charcoal ready I love to throw some kinda wood into the fire.  Use either hickory, mesquite, maple, cherry, apple or pecan to make a good fire.  More on different woods later!
    While the flames are getting high, put your grilling grate on the grill.  We need to make sure that the grate gets hotter then fuck!  Now it's time to add your choice of food to BBQ.  I prefer the white meats.  I will be honest though... I do love a good beef choice sometimes!  
     Here's my motto for everything.... Anything wrapped in bacon is the best!  I don't give a flying fuck if it's asshole wrapped in bacon!  It's going to be good.  I don't give a fuck if it's my granny's vagina!  If it's wrapped in bacon I know I will eat that fucker till I drop!  Bacon wrapped over tits!  I'm eating it!  Bacon wrapped over yamsac?  I'm eating it!  (I'm not gay but goddamnit I love bacon!)
       The best way to gage to know if your food is getting done is by this.....  I aint fancy or anything.... I believe in knowing your food and your grill, so fuck themomaters!    Here's how you do it.  For pork or chicken you gage your cooking level by this...  6 beers and your white meat is done.  7 beers if you want it done real good.  Now for beef... You can use the 6 beers if you want rare to semi rare.  7 beers if you want medium well.  Check into 9 beers for well.  Trust me when I say this...  This is the way to make sure your meal is done!
    Now to finish my lesson.... These are the three things to make sure of!
                   Good charcoal!  Bacon!  Beer!!!  This is the way to grill your ass off!

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