Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Survival of the college years.
For other kids/young adults college is the way of life. The only problem is that when they actually get there, they have no clue of how to survive. Now this is where I come in! I'm going to try and give all college guys and gals my knowledge on survival within the college realm. Listen up knucklheads! I'm here to help ya'll.
99% of all college kids have some sort of student loans. Student loans are meant to offset college expenses such as books and housing. With most student loans, there is some kind of money left over for expenses. Rule #1. Don't just go and blow all the left over money on new shoes and or strippers! This shit has got to last you at least till semester!
Don't feel you need to go and eat steak and lobster every night. *hint* Go to McDonald's and wait till about closing time. Thats when they start throwing out all of the shit they just made and can't sell. DO NOT be afraid to dumpster dive! If your hungry, you'll dive like a fucking dolphin! Your intake from the dumpster could be worth about 3 days meals.
Rule #2! Don't feel that you need to buy booze for all the parties! If your a chick, bring in one Mikes Hard Lemonade. Shake your ass just a bit... You know... Tease the dudes till they are giving you their drinks. Simple as that! Just dont let em get to stupid and feel that they need to fuck for it. If you a dude.... The best drinking advice I can give you... Bring a six pack of cheap beer and put it in the cooler. Walk around and mingle... Grab a beer out of many of the coolers and drink up.... Keep this up till you've finally hit your beer. Now your drunk as fuck and u don't give a shit about what your drinking.
Rule #3... When doing laundry, just throw them all in together. Who gives a fuck if whites are with whites and colors with colors..... Put em all together have a drink..... NO ONE cares what the fuck your clothes look like while your in class.
Rule #4... When meeting someone of the other sex at a party, don't give out your phone number right away.... What if you bump uglies with this other person and then the next day your like.."My God this person is a fucking tool." The problem is... You've given out your phone number. What if this person is a stalker/perv who is going to bother you all the time? If your going to give out a number for fucks sake give out your grandma's!
Rule #5.... When in doubt always bum rides.... Isnt it better have your friend waste their gas instead of you wasting yours? Why the fuck would you volunteer to spend money on joy rides? Stupid is as stupid does fuckhead!
Rule #6..... Don't be afraid to use someone else's toothbrush! If your staying all night with someone and you have class early, get to the bathroom before they do and brush your teeth with theirs.... Dry it off the best you can and slowly slide out of the apt/dorm room.
Rule#7.... Make sure to call your grandparents! Remember these people are retired and have money to blow. If you kiss enough ass, they will buy you just about anything you need for college. Hell people they will get you gift certificates and shit to ease your expenses!
Rule#8... Never EVER get caught using web cams! Unreal shit can get pasted on the internet and grandpa and grandma might not be willing to give out the money so fast then! Think before pink ladies!
Rule#9...Treat your parents with respect! If you don't, you might not get help with shit! I know when ever I pissed my parents off, I was cut off from the family society for months on end! Trust me on this shit people!
Rule #10...... Last but not least! I know booze and such will be making a few choices for you while in college.. Do me a HUGE fucking favor. Since I know alot of college kids and I love them all... Do me this one favor! Do NOT and I repeat DO NOT go to jail.... Nothing pisses off parents more. If your parents are like my parents, you'll spend your time waiting in jail... Trust me when I say that! I've been there and done that! Trust me when i say this.... If my kid gets thrown in jail, she'll be peeling tators to work off her debts!
Last but not least! Be smooth with life and enjoy school knuckelheads!