Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Art of Tailgating

   My favorite sport in the world is college football.  Last night I was fortunate to get to an NCAA game.  With college football, you have two things going for ya.  You have the excitement of the game and the most important thing.  Tailgating!
    Now I've been around this sport of tailgating for many of years.  Infact, it's actually became second nature to me and my friends.  We usually hit the game about 6 to 8 hours early.  Bringing up the grill or grills if needed.  We set up the tables with all of the finest foods around.  
    We then hook up the t.v.'s and all of the satilite dishes so we can keep current with whats going on around the country with college football.  We can do anything normal.. We normally don't!  It's all about making the most out of the day.  We might grill or smoke some chicken.  Maybe it's steak.  Could be porkchops.  It doesn't matter, as long as you tailgate!
   The one thing everyone needs at a tailgate is this.... Booze.  It can be mixed drinks or beer.  Personally I prefer beer but on some occasions when I've got an early start then we start off with "Bloody Mary's."
    Now to the party part of tailgating.  Make sure you have plenty of food and booze for everyone.  If not, send that rookie of the clan to the store to get more!  Now to mixing fun with food.  Have your master chef (this is an art that people take turns at.) get the fixins around as you heckle the other teams fans.  Now don't get to stupid with taunting the other teams fans.  It can (I've seen it) get really ugly.  Sometimes the police are called into action.
    If by chance the other teams fans get retarded, do this.  Offer them a drink.  If that doesnt work, offer them some food and drink.  If that doesnt work, have the biggest motherfucker in your group handle the situation.  About this time theres like 2 to 3 hours left till kickoff.  At this time you'll have some college kids roaming around looking for free beers and food.
   It's not a bad thing.  Remember they are poor college kids needing something to fill their belly's.  Give the dudes some free grub and a couple of beers.  Give the gals some free grub and some mixed drinks.  Then heres where it gets real fun.....
    Keep feeding the stupid college drunk dudes beer and encourage them to have the gals of the group show their tits!  If it doesnt happen this time do not (I SAID DO NOT!) give up.  Offer food and booze to the next couple of groups.  At this time ya'll will see some titties!  Hell ya'll might get lucky and some chick drops her pants and then bends over to show you her hotdog bun between her legs!
    TO me people this is fucking tailgating!!!!  If you lucky enough you might have enough gals wanting to have the contest of... "Who has the cutest hotdog bun" contest.  I dont give a fuck who you are there boys... YOU CAN'T GO WRONG NOW!
   About this time it's time to mingle your way to the stadium.  This can be fun because you know your friends up the way are tailgating the same way you are.  You should be able to at the very least see about 30 sets of college titties and 20 college hotdog buns!  Aint this shit great?  It aint even kick off and your getting more action then you could at the fucking strip joint down the street!
    GAME TIME!  Get to your seats and enjoy a classic battle between two football teams.  Sit and relax with your cinnamon flavored peanuts.  If you havent tried them, get to a game now!  Fuckers are heated up with cinnamon.  Yummy the fucking yummy!
   Game's over and your team either wins or loses.  Theirs two ways to look at this shit.  You can get depressed and go home or go back out and tailgate.  I say tailgate!  Don't be a pussy and sulk if you lose.  Take the bad times with the good times.  Start your tailgate back up and have a few cocktails.
    At this time if by chance your team loses, your going to have a few fucked up cocksuckers flipping you shit.  Don't mind it.  Just slowly drink your beer and let a few things fly......
Example....  One guy says to you.... "You guys suck!"  Respond with... "Not as good as your mother did me last night."
  At this time the crowd is laughing their collective asses off.  This is when you need the biggest motherfucker in your group to take care of crow control because theirs a chance your going to get your ass kicked.  When this is all going down, sit back and sip your drink and just smile.   
    Now look left then look right.. Somewhere along this late game tailgate is another set of college titties and hotdog buns.  I hope and pray that I've been able to teach each and everyone of you the art of tailgating in one form or another.
                                            Comments are welcome!


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