Saturday, December 25, 2010

Family Christmas Letters.

  Have you got one of them family members who every year at Christmas time has to send you that "family xmas letter"?  If not, your missing something pretty fucking special.  If you don't understand quite what I'm talking about, let me explain a little bit.
   There's always that one person in every family that has to write that letter telling how their year went.  What great times they had and all of that bullshit.  How their kids are the greatest. Blah blah blah blah!
  These yearly letters come from member of your family.  It doesn't matter if it's your mother, father, uncle, aunt, brother, sister or cousins.  There will be one of these letters in your mailbox every year.  Life is always so fucking grand.  They are blowing more smoke up your ass then a smoke machine at a KISS concert.  Life is alway so grand for them but you know the real truth.  
   It's time I show you my "Family Christmas Letter" for 2010.  I've been thinking of doing a "Yamsac Family Christmas Letter" for ages now.  It's time I break down and just do it.
                                                Yamsac Family Christmas 2010.

          I hope this holiday season brings joy and laughter to all of you.  I pray that God has been good to you this year unlike me.  This past September we lost our beloved great dane Clitoris.  We loved that goddamn dog but were sure aren't going to miss her shitting on the kitchen floor.  In this bad economic times I hope and pray that your doing well.  Unlike us.  I just had the fucking electricity turned off so I'm typing this out right now at the local library. 
    I pray that all of your families are doing well this season.  We've been doing ok but were still having problems with our 12 year old daughter being knocked up.  She's been pregnant for like 11 months now and we just pray that it's born before Christmas Day.  No one wants to miss opening presents because she's giving birth.  She swears on the bible that it's one of her six brother's baby.  They all refuse to believe that.  I guess we'll have to wait for the DNA report.
   My wife Louise just had vagaplasty surgery.  She's telling people that her pussy is tighter then when she was 13 years old.  God bless her pussy and God bless that doctor who tightened up that canal.  Oldest son LeRoy (LaRoy) just got out of prison for manufacturing meth.  He swears and I believe him that it was an honest science experiment gone bad.  He's welcomed home by his wife and 7 children.  3 days after LeRoy's release we celebrated his 24th birthday.  Happy Birthday son!
    The triplet sons Stanford, Cal and UCLA are getting ready to join the workforce.  I know 16 is kind of early to go to work full time but if we want the fucking lights turned back they need to get their fat asses back to work.  They send their love to all of you also!  I got carjacked in June. I'm doing ok but I sure do miss that 1978 Buick LaSabre.  That's where the triplets were conceived! I got more ass in that car then a toilet seat!  Momma is doing ok.  She finally gave up candy bars.  You'd think that she would have after they told her she had diabetes but OH NO!  She's so stubborn she waited till they amputated her left leg.  
    We were finally able to bury daddy.  It sure was a beautiful service.  I want to thank the 9 people who showed up.  I want to thank the 6 of the 9 people who were pallbearers.  Better you lifting that fat motherfucker then me! hahaha  Back to my story.  His service was so lovely.  We played his favorite songs and had a beautiful flower to put on the grave.  It might have taken 3 years to bury him but it was well worth the wait!
    My two youngest son's Jack and Mehoff are doing really well in 2nd grade.  You'd think at 10 years old they might be struggling.  NOT MY BOYS!  God bless them!  I'm still plugging along at the nuclear waste plant.  We've been blessed there this year.  We've only lost 9 men and women to cancer last month.  The times are getting better!
   I figure if I work my ass off I can retire at 84 years old.  Lord above knows I'm working hard for it!  I can't wait!  Lastly i want to thank all of my loved ones who sent cards when it was discovered that I had growths on my ball sack.  The letters were ever so kind and I really loved them.  Thanks Uncle Sanford for that letter!  I know your balls were destroyed but I thank you for your prayers!  God Bless Sir!
    I want to thank all of my distance family!  God bless each and everyone of you.  I really want to thank Aunt Myrtle!  She was my first lay and sometimes when I'm lonely laying in bed I think of them times to get me through.  I truly love you Myrtle!  
                                     Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Family!


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