Being a huge fan of college athletics I was sitting around watching some football on television. Tonight we have Illinois vs. Fresno State. That's the "Fighting Illini" of the University of Illinois vs. The "Bulldogs" of Fresno State University. I got to thinking.. What the hell is a Fighting Illini? Then I researched it. It's an Indian tribe from the midwest United States.
Then I have another beer as I'm watching this game. I'm thinking of all the different nicknames of college teams. So once again, I research. I notice that there are 9 "Aggies" in the college ranks. An Aggie is meant for an agriculture school. Makes sense to me.
I see the Ambassador's of Ozark Christian College in Joplin, Missouri. Ambassador to what? God? Doesn't make sense to me. How about the Anchormen of Rhode Island College? This better be a school of broadcasting or someone's a real fucking tool for this nickname. The Anteaters of UC-Irvine. I've got to be honest here. I don't think there are any "Anteaters" in America. Another fucked up nickname.
The "Archers" of Moody Bible Institute. What are you going to do, shoot me with a bow and arrow? That's real damn tough. The "Argonauts" of the University of Great Falls. Now were Russian astronauts? What the fuck? University of California-Santa Cruz has the "BananaSlugs". Thats just straight up retarded!
"Beavers" Thats just funny to me. Big ole furry thing. Shit I need to stop talking about my neighbor ladies vagina. "Big Blue" "Big Green" "Big Red". Honestly who gives a fuck about how big your color is? Another stupid nickname! Long Island University - Brooklyn are the "Blackbirds". It's an annoying bird. Give me something to root for dumbasses!
The "Blueboys" of Illinois College. What the fuck? Is that a school for gay football players? "Boilermakers" Any school named after a drink makes me want to root for them! "Cornhuskers" University of Nebraska. One of the stupidest names ever. I guess it's better then their old nickname. The "BugEaters".
I will root for the "Dirtbags" of California State University - Long Beach Thats the coolest name so far! The "Flying Queens" of Wayland Baptist University in Plainview, Texas. I guess it's another gay college. Oh well. South Carolina "GameCocks". Beautiful name for a bunch of tough guys! FIGHT COCKS FIGHT!!
The "Hatters" of Stetson University. Nicely done. I get that one! What's a "Hokie", "Hoya" or a "Humpback Whale" doing as a college mascot? Your fucking stupid for this one! The "Ichabods" Is that where Ichabod Crain went to school? If not, then your stupid!
The "Jumbo's" of Brandies University. Must be a fat girls volleyball team. The "Koalas" of Columbia University. There are no Koalas in the United States unless it's in a fucking zoo. There are no koalas born in South Carolina! Get a new nickname! The "Little Giants" of Wabash College. Did they watch the movie to come up with this one? Fucking idiots!
The Rhode Island School of Design are the "Nads". Now thats a nickname! I want to see the Yakima Yamsacs! We need more nicknames about the male balls! Lets get it going people! The "Oilers" of The University of Findlay in Ohio. There is no oil in Ohio morons! Jesus people are stupid!
The "Poets" of Whittier College. Yeah that's a tough name... You going to read stories that rhyme to people to be able to win games? Douchebags! The "Runnin Bulldogs" of Gardner-Webb University. NO FUCKING BULLDOG RUNS! The fat bastards just sit around and either fart or blow snot all day long!
The "Steers" of Texas College. Great. You named your team after a cow. Thats tough. University of Baltimore "Super Bees". My lord your idiots! How about the University of Baltimore Fags? Thats tougher then SuperBees. You sicken me assholes! Trinity Christian College "Trolls" Great you've named your team after a kids fairytale of a monster that lives under a bridge. REAL fucking cool there! Another shit school nickname!
Sweet Briar College "Vixens". What are you? A women's basketball team of whores? I'm still shaking my head on this one. Now that I've gone through all of these nicknames and looked them up and down, I've come to the conclusion that If I were an athletic director and or a president of a major college I'd want my team to be called the.... "Bulging Cocks". Enough Said!