Monday, December 6, 2010
Poop and dirty smelly carpets.
You ever have one of them days mentioned above and then decide to go out on the town with some other friends only to come home to find your basement carpet covered in poo? Me either! Through the local media and some good friends I've come to find out that my friend "The Boss" had some problems over the weekend.
First of all, his awesome friend comes over for a day of smoking some food, watching some football and maybe just maybe drinking a couple of beers. From what I hear is that after a few hours of enjoyable time with his very COOL friend, Boss and his lovely wife Liz go out for a few drinks with another couple. Time well spent they say. Time well spent catching up on old times. Time well spent talking about his awesome friend that was there earlier in the night.
Then when Boss and his better half get home, all is good. Time for beddy bye. Time for a few showers and then off to dreamland. As Steve slips into never never land and starts dreaming of how Iowa State University if a way better then University of Texas. After Boss dreams some more of how Iowa State kicked the ever living shit out of Texas he wakes up to some kind of noise. (Probably his heart pounding)
Boss decides he needs to get out of bed. Most likely needing some milk and cookies. (Rumor is that Boss loves milk and cookies!) Boss is half awake and thinks he hears some noises from downstairs. He puts on his pink slippers and housecoat. He looks around making sure the boogeyman isn't around. It's then he starts his trek downstairs.
As soon as he hits the bottom step he notices something. Hmmmm Whats that smell? Whats that feeling between my toes he's thinking? Boss scratches his head and thinks to himself. Hmmmm "I haven't this smell since my freshman year at Texas when they made me do a swirly in every toilet in Austin". I wonder what the hell it is he thinks.
It's then when he takes his next step and falls into about 8ft of water and dung. It's then when Boss yells his most famous saying. "What the crap!?!?!!?" Yes Boss it is crap. Poop. Dung. caka. SHIT! It's a world of what the fucking is going in in my life right now!?!?!? It's a world of "why me lord?" Its a world of..."I want to kill someone!:"
It's at this time Boss calls out for his lovely wife Liz. He keeps yelling.. "OH LIZ!!! MY DEAREST LIZ! HONEY BABY LIZ! WE KIND OF HAVE A SITUATION!" She wipes the sleep from her eyes and comes downstairs. When she reaches the bottom and notices Boss it's then when she says.."What the fuck are you doing swimming in poop Boss?"
He has no comebacks. He's dumbfounded. He's shaken. He's almost in tears. Infact, from what I hear he was in tears. As Liz looks down, she notices Boss is sitting in all of this wetness screaming at the top of his lungs. "I feel the stinky!!! I feel the stinky!!!! I feel the stinky!!!" He's obviously gone overboard. My lord above someone needs to help him! When I say help him, I mean help him now!
A few hours later, Boss calls his most awsome friend and tells him about his plight. At this time when his most awesome friend stops laughing, he offers a "rugdoctor" to help him with his problems. It's then when Boss tells his most awsome friend that he feels dirty. At this time the most awesome friend ask's Boss if he accidently swallowed any poop. Boss responds.."I don't think so but I know when I fell, my mouth was open." Awesome friend shakes his head and offers Boss the rugdoctor and some mints.
Long story short Boss. I feel your plight. I feel your hurt. I feel your heartburn? Just remember this dude. Shit on somedays can turn into art on others!