Buying for the nephew.

First of all I've a great brother.  He's married a fantastic woman named Amanda.  With this union, they have made two beautiful children.  There names are Aubree and Caden.  I love Aubree with all my heart but I have a hard time buying Christmas toys for girls.  Infact, I was blessed with two girls and I can't remember EVER buying them a Christmas present.
   Now back to my nephew.  He's like the coolest kid living today.  He's kinda stocky.  A good looking fellow if I must say.  He knows how to at the age of 5 to turn the charm on.  Hmmm... Kinda reminds me of me!!  
    My problem is this... What do I get the little fucker for Christmas!?!?  He's got about everything that can be thought of.  His mother is a Hawkeye.  His father is a Cyclone.  What the hell do I get the kid?  I'm torn between some cool Cyclone underoos.  I'm torn between some coll Hawkeye.... FORGET THAT SHIT!  WE ARE CYCLONES!  FUCK THE HAWKS!
   How about a Cyclone weather beacon!?  How about a Cyclone parking stall at Jack Trice Stadium?  What about my entire Cyclone collection of autographs?  FUCK THAT!  Little bastard needs to earn his own! 
    I'm wondering if he needs some new diapers but my wife keeps telling me that he's 5!  He doesnt need diapers! He needs something to keep him busy!  I'm thinking he needs a girlfriend to keep his ass busy.  I guess I was wrong according to my wife and daughters.  They tell me he's to young for some strange.  What the fuck do I know?!?!?
   I think I've figured out what to give young Caden.  Let's hope in his later years when I'm taking him to Cyclone game he can feel the love.  If not, I guess he'll get his ass over to eastern Iowa and feel the drug infested shit!  God Bless You Caden!  Forever and ever CYCLONES!