Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tom/Tina the Turkey.
The other day my friend Bryant (Not his real name) calls me and wants to know if I can smoke a turkey for him. I say sure little buddy! Anything for you dude! He brings me this Tom of a turkey and it's time for action on my part.
The most important part of smoking food beside the longevity and heat control is the rubs. Rubs are seasonings. I break into my medicine cabinet and find that special rub just for my friend.
Today we're going for a mesquite flavor. Mesquite wood is found in the southwest such as Texas and the great country of Mexico. It's kind of a sweet flavor with some kick to it. I absolutely love mesquite!
Back to my story of Tom the Turkey. As soon as Bryant leaves, (not his real name) I take the yardbird back to the smoking area. It's time to add the rub to the bird. My God above this is my favorite part of smoking! I take the bird out of it's package and start my magic. At this time I rename the bird to Tina. No more Tom happening here! I address Tina with a little humor. Chicks dig humor! Remember that people!
I slowly undress her from her clothes. I smile... If she had a head, she'd be smiling at me also! I slowly take out the rub and start to make Tina happy. I seperate her legs and slowly rub her up and down. I take my time and rub her slowly. I can feel her tremble underneath my touch. (Either that or I got the shakes!)
I slowly turn her over and take action from her backside. I rub her deep and deep. Then when I'm near done, I rub her even deeper! Now to the fun part for Tina. It involves butter and honey. Lord she loves butter and honey. At this time I have Tina bent over. Haunched on her legs. I then slowly but surely slide a stick of butter up her ass.
I swear to God above I hear Tina yelp. I can't tell for sure but I know something yelp'd! Might have been my assistant Chris. Hell I don't fucking know anymore... I'm just trying to make Tina feel good at this time! After all of the yelping I look at Tina and smile once more. She knows whats coming next.... Yes my friends! Another stick of butter up her ass! Jesus I love butter!
After all the butter action it's time for me to start squirting honey up her ass! I try to go slow but I can't stop my self.... Next thing you know we've got honey everywhere!!!! Her ass and back is covered in honey! I can tell Tina loves honey with butter! God bless Tina!
About this time I'm sliding her up and down the smoker making sure she's feeling good. The heat is intense! She's getting moist! I'm getting a bit jumpy with anticipation! My God let's smoke!!!
6 hours later my friends, I'm exhausted and Tina is worn out.... Infact she's glistening with what I've done to her! I call Bryant.. (Not his real name) He shows up and picks up Tina and wants to know what I've done to her.... I wipe my hands off and shake his..... I look him deep in the eyes and tell him... "What happens at smokers stays at smokers" I think he understands. For my trouble Bryant buys (not his real name) a case of the best beer in the world. For this I say thanks Bryant! (not his real name!) I would have done this for free! Tina and I became closer then I thought possible!