Saturday, October 9, 2010

Another football weekend.

It was another fine day for college football.  My morning got started early.  I had to go and bury my Uncle Terry first thing.  Nice funeral and all.  Now I loved my Uncle Terry but I had some other shit on my mind.  Back to my story.. We plant Uncle Terry and I have to head on down the road for a great game of college football.  Not that Terry minded.  He was mentally challenged and had no clue what the fuck football was.
   I say my goodbyes to family members and hit the road.  I have to hit the grocery store to stock up on some tailgate supplies.  If you know how to tailgate, you'll understand that you only two things for your tailgate.  Cheese and booze..  I picked up beer and some kinda fruity shit for my daughter.  She's been gone two months to school and after today I've seen her a total of 3 hours since she's left.
  We make the game and kick back.  My friend The Boss and his family shows up.  Yes his son did attempt to kick me in the nuts.  NOT THIS TIME JUNIOR!  We see some old friends to sip a few cocktails.  Game time is getting closer.  I can tell this by my friend Mike's twitching and convulsing trying to get us to the stadium.  We have a few more beers and make sure we drink real slow just to piss Mike off.  It works.
    We finally get into the stadium and it's rockin!  The game is on Fox College Sports Network.  T.V. camera's everywhere. Students drunk and jacked for an upset.  My lord I have goose bumps!  I text my friend Bryant, (not his real name) just to tell him how stupid this crowd is!
   We get in our seats and the first thing I notice is this drunk bitch sitting next to me.  I'm thinking Lord help m through this night.  The home team comes right out and gets a touchdown!  Fucken eh I say!  The drunk twat sitting next to me yells in my ear that this is the greatest team in the world.  I kinda laugh with her and noticed she ate one to many onions with her brat.
    The visitor gets the ball back.  The drive the field and the next thing you know. TURNOVER BABY!!!!  The drunk hag sitting next to me tells me again in her stupor that this is the greatest team in the universe ever. I smile and offer her a mint.  Didnt work.
     Second play of the series for the home team.  TOUCHDOWN BABY!  Drunk bitch shoves her tits in my face and tells me that these are the greatest tits in the world!  I offer her tits a mint.  No such luck. DAMNIT!
 The visitors come back and score a field goal.  Drunk bitch is pissed off now.  "WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?"  I'm about out of mints so I keep my mouth shut.  1st quarter is over now.  Home team ahead 14 to 3.  Great start against the #10 ranked team in the nation.
   Now here's where my night kinda got retarded. (Sorry Uncle Terry)  The visitors come out and put over 285 yards of total offense in the 2nd quarter alone.  Drunk cunt cant count that high so I try to help her.  She leans in to talk to me and I start crying over the onions.  My lord she's stunk!  Just think what her pussy would have smelled like!
    She wants to know why our quarterback got sacked.  Why did the runningback go off on a stretcher?  (Because he's about dead!)  Why are we letting touchdowns fly by us like a stealth bomber?  I don't know lady!  Maybe that team is real fucking good or were not the best team in the universe!  Have another onion and shut the fuck up!
   To help this story along, the home team gets beat 68 to 27.  Not a good night by all means.  I look over as I'm getting ready to leave the stadium... The drunk cunt is passed out.  You wanna know what it's time for?

                                                                  TEA BAG!

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