Sunday, October 24, 2010

Jalapeno fury!

  My friend Boss and his beautiful wife Liz have done me a disfavor!  They've really turned me on to the southwest style of eating.  Myself, I have been used to the southeast style of food forever but I've learned from Boss and Liz's teachings to love the southwest style.
   Liz has taught me to use the world of peppers.  It could be banana peppers, habenero peppers, and the most popular pepper of all... The jalapeno!
 Boss and Liz have taught me the proper way of cooking with these peppers.  Using these peppers has seemed to become second nature to me.  I use them atleast 2 to 3 times a week now for one reason or another.  Now to my quandry.  The beautiful Liz has always told me to make sure to wash my hands after everytime using hot peppers.  She taught me well!  I love to wash my hands now!
    Last night we all hung out cooking and having a good time with a few very special friends.  My lord the party was a success!  We ate and drank a few.  Good times had by all!  What I brought to the table was...... Bacon wrapped tator tots.  Take a tator tot and wrap it up with a jalapeno slice and deep fat fry it!  After it's doing frying, spread tons of shredded cheese all over it!  Goddamn good comfort food here people!
   We have a few drinks and share recipe ideas all night long.  (Thats only when we were not reading the bible!)
Then we come up with a great recipe calling for more jalapeno's!  (Boss and I are the worlds greatest chef's!  You just haven't discovered it yet!)  Were talking about bacon wrapped jalapeno peppers with cream cheese in the middle.  Sounds damn good to me!
  I go to work today... (Not that Boss didnt try to make me feel bad last night!)  The only thing I can think of is bacon wrapped jalapeno's!  My lord I'm horny for this shit!   I get home from work and hit the local grocer!
I get my thick cut bacon!  I get my pound of jalapeno's!  I get my cream cheese!  I'm sweating from all of this fucking shopping!  Giddyup motherfuckers!  It's time to get home and cook!
  I fire up the grill.... (Grilling is the only way to go!  Charcoal grilling that is!)  I sit down and start to "core" the jalapeno's.  I'm digging out all of the seeds and stems from the jalapeno's.  I'm making sure that all of this shit is done right.  Then my nose itches.  Ya'll know when one part of you face itches, the rest of your face itches. So, I scratch my nose and rub my eyes.  MISTAKE!!!!!  Why in the fuck did I not listen to Liz!?!?!?!?
  She wasnt shitting me when she said wash your hands!  I'm so fucking stupid, I forgot to!
After about 15 minutes of my eyes swelling shut and having my cleanses cleaned out I'm doing good.  Infact, as I write this my eyes still burn.  I throw the chops and jalapeno's on the grill.  I'm letting it cook real nice and slow like it needs to bed.  I pop a few more beers and relax... (Remember folks that a pure Iowa Chop takes six beers to be done!)
   I get up and turn the chops and jalapeno's.... All is good .... The flame is real high now because of the bacon grease being dumped onto it.  It's about this time I have to piss.  I go in the house... I stop and talk to my beautiful wife for a bit.  Then it's time to piss.  I hit the bathroom and unzip.  I pull down my boxers a bit.  Then I reach and grab my wiener so I can piss bigtime.  At this time I've achieved satisfaction after urninating. My lord I love a godd piss!
   I zip up and go about my merry business... I go back outside and start grilling again.. Then I notice my cock is on fire!!!!!  Wanna know why?  JALAPENO's!  I touched my wiener!!!  Not a good idea!!  My lord I'm in pain!  SO i get smart and call my beautiful friend Liz and ask her for advice.... She tells me if i had ate the peppers she would have me drink milk.  Since my cock is on fire she adviced me to fuck a gallon of milk.....  Well, I'm out of milk... What the hell do I do?  I decide to sit in pain!
    Long story short friends.... If by chance your peepee gets caught on fire by peppers, remember this!  Make sure to fuck a gallon of milk... Cause Liz says so!

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