Another tailgate weekend!

  After a great weekend of college football it's time to catch our collective breathes.  Sit back and watch the BCS (bullshit) standings unfold.  I've got a few days till I get to my favorite university and help celebrate homecoming with tailgating. My team will be taking on the University of Kansas... I've got to be honest here when I say this.  I hate U of Kansas for one simple reason and one simple reason alone.  It's because the superintendent of our local school district roots for this team.
  My feelings about our superintendent is that he's a fag who needs to go with his stealing and cheating ways.  Another story for another time!  Now back to an ultimate tailgating experience!  Now everything is going to depend on if you use electric, gas or charcoal grilling.  I prefer charcoal grilling/smoking over anything.  Sometimes gas grilling/smoking works great during the colder months.
  To make this simple for the weekend I'm going to go through every scenerio for tailgating.  If your just wanting to grill some burgers, show up for the game a couple of hours early and enjoy the beer and burgers!  You can't go wrong with simple!  If you want to turn it up a little bit, bring a gas grill/smoker.   If you want to do steaks and dont have much time then gas grill some good meat.  If you have plenty of time then lets start smoking!
    You can use the most simple smoker if you want.  Just make sure you have plenty of time to enjoy yourself before kickoff!  If your smoking, make sure you have PLENTY of charcoal and tons of time.  If the kickoff is at 2pm, then show up at 7am and do chicken!  Kingsford is the charcoal of champions.  Make sure to have plenty on hand.  I'd say two large bags.  With chicken, I'd use either apple,cherry or peach wood.  Drown your charcoal with lighter fluid.... (Unless you have an electric charcoal starter)
    Now it's time to prepare the food while the charcoals burn.  For the novice I would use "Famous Dave's" chicken/pork rubs... This is a fantastic rub with tons of flavor.  If by chance, you can get a hold of "Hollands Carolina Rub" then grab it as fast as you can!  This rub is out of this world with the most flavor ever!
  Make sure you rub the chicken all over with your choice of rub.  Act like your giving your woman/man the best massage ever!  This rub should take over ten minutes to do!  Finger that chicken like a 19 year old virgin!  Make her feel the best she's ever felt.
   After about 15 minutes of burning, the charcoals should be ready.... Poor a little bit of beer on the chicken as you rest it on the grill.  If you don't have a thermometer, heres the easiest way to know if your food is done.  With white meat such as chicken or pork, the rule of thumb is 5 beers... With steak its between 6 and 8 beers depending on how cooked you want your meat!
   Let your food grill while we prepare some goodies for the sidelines.... How about some bacon wrapped jalapeno peppers?  Grab between 1 and 2 pounds of jalapeno's and go from there.  Cut open the peppers and core out everything.  When your done with that, spread some cream cheese in between the slices and close.. At this time begin to wrap some bacon around the pepper and throw it on the grill.  Within 15 minutes the peppers should be done!  Now enjoy your food and drink!  One last tailgating secret..... Get some ears of sweetcorn and butter that motherfucker up like your girlfriends asshole before launch!  Wrap it in tinfoil and have it sit on the grill for about 35 minutes!  Now my friends you've been tailgating!