The Ten Commandments

Some people love me, some people hate me.  The one thing that most people pay attention to me is because I'm honest at all times.  I love to ask questions I want answers for everything. Somethings are different. Somethings are quite simple.  I just want answers.  Now it's time to look at the Ten Commandments.
   I promise to give you my honest opinions of everything that has been quoted and written about for centuries.  It might be warped to some but it might be the right thing for others.

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.  Now my question is... Who's right is it to say I can't worship another God?  Personally I feel that is fucked up!

2

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.     I've always been under the impression that being jealous isnt a good thing in the Lords eyes.  How come he can be jealous if I cant be?

3

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.  Is it that bad is I say Goddamnit?  What about the fucktards out there killing and robbing people in the Lords name?  Are we going to forgive them and forgive me for using the word goddamnit?

4 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.    What about us poor fucks who have to work Sundays so we can feed out families?  Is that going to keep me from the gates of Heaven?  Do I have to ask for a waiver?  This commandment seems unfair to me!    “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.   I'm going to be honest here.  If I didnt honor my parents, then some serious ass whoopins were on it's way!  I dont care how many time I prayed for my soul, it didnt stop the belt from slapping my ass!    6 “You shall not murder.   Heres where I get confused..... If you read the bible real deep I do believe you can ask forgiveness.  So I've come to the conclusion if I kill someone and am really sorry for it i can get in heaven.... If this aint true, let me know!  I know I've had ministers tell me this before.    7 “You shall not commit adultery.    Ok.. I can understand that one.  What if I'm single and this one hot momma wants me to bend her over the counter and make her cum in 14 different languages?  Is that bad?  What if she's married and wanting my cock?  Am I going to hell for this?    8 “You shall not steal.  What if someone stole from me and I stole it back because it was mine?  Am I going to hell for this?  If so, why?    9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.  What if the neighbor pisses me off for being a fucktard?  I think it's time to rethink this commandment!    10 “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.”    I can understand this completely...  I wont fuck the neighbors wife.  But what about that sweet ass around the corner two blocks down?  Can I bang her?  What if her ex-husband has a harley sitting in the garage?  Can I covet that motherfucker?  Let me know who I can bang and what I can ride people!