Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Art of Sales.

  In the late 1950's through the 1960's being a salesman was a fantastic job.  It was a job where you had respect.  Most of the successful family men were salesmen.  Then you had the "sleazy" type of salesmen.  Mostly the "Used" car salesmen.  They would rob their own mothers blind.
  Now my career choice is sales.  I love sales with a passion.  Nothing makes me more excited then landing that one big sale.  Except if were talking about a tight ass blonde.  I've actually done quite well working in sales.  Now it's time for a few hints on how to be a good sales person.
   1.  Be able to qualify your leads: what this means is, that you have check your lead and make sure they are going to be buyers.  If your lead is wearing a house coat and smoking Pall Mall non filters while drinking a fifth of whiskey, then tell them to fuck off and move on.
   2.  Be able to shut up:  this means give your pitch and begin to listen.  If your customer begins to be stupid, slowly walk away and never look back.  Most likely the motherfucker has no money to begin with.
  3.  Have patience:  Be able to listen to your customer.  Don't over talk the product.  Let the customer have time to think about what your selling.  If they don't grab for the money within 3 minutes tell em to fuck off and walk away.
  4.  Be confident:  Show them your a winner.  Show them your a money maker. Show them your someone important.  Just don't show them your wiener!  Not unless she's hot and needs to see it to close the deal.
 5.  Be able to argue with out getting into a fight:  You can argue and bring good facts to the table.  In the end though, the customer is (almost) always right.  If this doesnt work call his mother a whore and drive to the local bar for a stiff drink.
 6.  Be a networking genius: If you need to hang out where the local banker drinks, then you drink there.  If you need to buy the town slut drinks, you buy the town slut drinks.  If you need to share the pipe of a crackhead, then you suck that pipe dry!  Let everyone know who you are and what your about!  Plus I hear the town slut sucks a mean cock.
7.  Be able to change social class:  If your talking to a CEO of a company, act and talk like a CEO.  If your down in Alabama, then know Alabama.  Know how people from Alabama like to fuck goats.  Infact fuck a goat so you know what the hell your talking about!
8.  Be humble but don't obey:  Basically this means never let some douche bag customer run you down.  Either walk away or tell him/her to suck your cock.  "Be nice till it's time not to be nice."
9.  Don't complain - Be positive:  Rule number #1  Don't bitch about yourself or your homelife.  If a customer is bitching about their life, let them.  Thats when you say.... "Sucks to be you.  You going to buy this shit or do I need to tell you to fuck off?"
10.  Enthusiasm: Make sure you show enthusiasm at all times while selling your product!  Smile and act like you want to help your customer with your product.  If your customer has nice tits, then be enthusiastic about the tits.  Compliment the tits!  Let the tits know you care!
11.  Reach out to help:  Don't be afraid to help fellow sales persons.  Let them in on some of your secrets of success.  If she's hot, then let her know a few more.  Like I've said before.  It might get your cock sucked.
12.  Have high expectations:  Make sure you ooze confidence and let people around you know you want to be the best.  If your not the best, how can you get the finest pussy around?
13.  Overcome rejections:  It might take you 100 sale attempts before you get that one big sale.  Keep selling!  It's like when your at the bar and you are horny.  You keep hitting on all the women until you find the one who will suck your cock.
14.  Be lucky:  Sometimes our best salespeople need to be lucky.  Sometimes the leads dry up.  As long as you work your ass off and try, good things will happen.  It's called luck.  It's like when you go to the bar and there are 10 women.  You hit on all 10 but take home the hottest one to bed down.  Thats called luck!  Luck is good! 

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