Saturday, January 8, 2011

My children's Grandmother

  I think I've talked about my family from time to time.  I love my family.  My family means so much to me it's not even funny.  My father is the 3rd oldest of 9 kids.  My mother is the youngest of 10.  Between the two of them they have two kids.  My brother and myself.  I'm the oldest by almost 11 years.  I call him "oops".  He punches me.  It's that simple.
    Both mom and pops grew up in a hard life.  Both were kids of poor dirt farmers.  At an early age, they both had to work their asses off to help the family make ends meet.  With this work ethic they were both able to grow up fast and at a later age become pretty successful.  
   With mom being the youngest one of 10 kids she had to be tough.  Always the last one to get fed at the dinner table.  Always the last one to get bathed at night.  Always the last one to get left behind when the rest of the kids went to town from their country home.  Don't get me wrong, she had plenty of love from all of her brothers and sisters.  Infact, a couple the older kids helped raise her when times got tough for grandpa and grandma.
    With her raising, Momma got alot of good qualities from her parents and siblings.  First things first, she's one of the most loving people known to man today.  Second of all she's one of the toughest son of a bitch's to walk the planet.  She's the type of gal to bring a cake to work on your birthday.  She's the type of gal who would bail you out of jail if needed.  She's the type of gal who would visit you in the hospital.  Bring you a present for your brand new baby child.
   Then theres the momma my brother and I remember.  She loves us with all of her heart and soul but isn't afraid to kick our ass if needed.  She can show the discipline anytime she wants!  If I were getting bitched out about something and had a smile on my face it wans't unheard of to hear her say... "I'll knock that smile upside down!"  If you would have backed talked her, she wasn't afraid to say.... "It's going to be kind of funny explaining to all of your friends at school how you got two black eyes from your mother."
   If her and our father got into a squabble, she'd say......"On that note, fuck you."  I remember once when her and my little brother got into it and she says...  "Son, I brought you into this world and I'm not afraid to take you out of it!"  Another time her and my father were going at it when she says...."I own the pussy, I own the rules."  She worked for 35 years at one job before she retired.  Then when she decided to retire she proclaims that they can kiss her redneck ass all the way to the fucking bank.
   One time when I was mad at my oldest daughter and she felt I was being to hard on her, she proclaims..... "Do I need to raise that child as my own?"  "It's obvious your not doing it right!"  The funny thing is that I was pissed at my kid for a same reason she had gotten pissed at me for 20 years earlier.  What the fuck?  When I got married, she tells me that I don't have to marry this girl.  I can do anything I want.  It's then I look at her and say... "Mom she's not pregnant, I want to marry her."  She then says.... "I'm just throwing out some options son!"
   After I got married, mom called me one day and we had a fight on the phone.  I get pissed and hang up.  Next thing you know the phone rings, so I answer it.  Next thing you know I hear in the phone...."You might be married now but I still own your ass!"  What the fuck?  I wonder if my little brother went through this shit.  I'm thinking not because Mother was over her menopause phase then.
    Remember, I love my mother with all my heart and would die for her.  I'd kill for her.  I'd kick ass for her.  There is simply nothing I wouldn't do for my mother and that's the bottom line!  I hope I'm not forgetting anything here but I have to admit this line from her might be the best line I've ever heard a 60+ old woman ever say... "If I had a dick, I'd tell them to suck it!"

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