Jim Harbaugh signed a 5 year 25million dollar contract today to become the new head coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Harbaugh leaves behind one of the top teams in college football, the Stanford Cardinal. Harbaugh takes over a long storied program that has hit hard times in the last few years.
This is a team that has lost it's identity. This was once a team of champions. Now it's a team of utter shit. No more Bill Walsh and his west coast offense. No more Joe Montana, Steve Young, Roger Craig, Jerry Rice and countless other pro bowlers.
When you signed this contract Jim, you became the sole owner of futility. You have very little to work with. I hope your charm and work ethic can turn this program around. Plus your going to need a shit load of luck on your side. Your background will help. Your the son of a legendary college football coach. You have a brother John coaching the Baltimore Ravens in the NFL already. You played in the NFL for 5 teams yourself. You know the NFL!
My biggest concern is that you might find some spoiled ass rotten fuck head NFL superstars telling you to stick it up your ass when you tell them to run wind sprints. What are you going to do then? This isn't the college game where you actually "own" your players and their futures. You can't threaten them with taking away their pro chances if they don't perform.
Next concern is your career college coaching win/loss record. You were an assistant for a bit in the NFL and then became head coach for "non-scholarship" San Diego where you played the likes of Drake University out of Des Moines, Iowa. Not to impressive there in my opinion. Next you move onto Stanford University. The first two years your team absolutely sucks. Then you have most likely the best quarterback in the nation starting for you and you pull out 8-5 and 12-1 records. Nice job Jimmy.
It's here where I worry. The last two season's with Andrew Luck as your starting qb, Stanford goes 20-6. The first two season's you went 9-15 without Andrew Luck. I have a feeling that David Carr or Alex Smith aren't going to get your team anywhere playing quarterback for the 9ers.
If I'm you Jim I get in Andrew Luck's ear and tell him to go pro. Then you trade up to where you can draft his ass. Then when he is in camp, make him the fucking starter. Your going to lose the first year or two but this kid is good enough by his 3rd year he could have you in the playoffs. Hell, he might have you in the playoffs the first year because you play in the weakest division in the NFL.
I know your a very competitive person by nature. That's a good thing sir. Your going to have to be very competitive to succeed at this job. I know you had alot of pressure coaching against Drake University and such. You had more pressure at Stanford. The Stanford pressure isn't even a cunt hair close to what kind of pressure your going to get with San Francisco. Every motherfucker and his poodle will be all over your ass. Your family will be scrutinized for their every move. Are you man enough to handle that Jim? I hope so sir.
If and when you play your brothers team the Baltimore Ravens, and he kicks your ass are you going to go crying to dear old Dad that John is picking on you? I pray to God above you don't! My last bit of advice Mr. Harbaugh. If things don't work out in San Francisco, make sure to keep your phone book full of friends in the college ranks. You'll soon be needing their numbers and references for a new job.
Do I think your a good coach? Maybe. You haven't proven anything yet. Do I think you'll make it as a NFL coach? NO. You don't have the make up for it. Learn from this mistake and get back into the NCAA game.
Dear, Oprah Winfrey,
I know your busy and all but I hope you can take a few minutes to answer a few questions of mine. I know your really super busy in your fairytale world. Just take the time and please answer a something for me.
My question to you Ms. Winfrey is this. When is enough enough? I know you started at the bottom of the totem pole somewhere in the south where your family member assaulted you and all of that. Trust me when i say this. I feel you plight. I know you worked your ass off at some shithole t.v. stations to become an anchor there. At one of these t.v. stations you met your long time secret lesbian lover Gayle King. Bless both of your hearts.
I know along the way after you became quasi famous you found your long time fake love Steadman. God bless him. We all know you own like 36 dogs and would do anything for them. We all know your television talk show was a hit for women between the ages of 40 and death. We can't forget the gay guys either. You give them support and make their day! We all know that your started your own production company and studio Harpo Studio's. If you didn't know Ms. Winfrey that is Oprah spelled backwards! Thats pretty neat.
We know you started a few careers for some friends of yours. Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz and the Doctors. You must really like doctors! I mean the bald head cocksucker Dr.Phil has really grown in fan support over the years. Even if is a pompus fuck people still watch his show! Good for him.
You ma'am, are a God send to the rich and famous. With all of this going on, you've been able to assembe quite the wealth also. Last reports say you are worth over a billion dollars. I don't know if you know this or not but that's more fucking money then Jed Clampett ever thought of having! In a word Ms. Winfrey your the "shit"!
Now here's where it gets nutty. After giving away more free shit over the last year, you decide to retire from your talk show. God bless you and happy retirement! Well hell, I just realised that now your ass is getting really fucking greedy! You've just started your own goddamn motherfucking NETWORK! It's call OWN. The Oprah Winfrey Network. OWN! Thats a catchy network name.
It's pretty catchy in a selfish way. I've got to be honest here ma'am. You make me want to puke. Not because your famous and rich. Because you personally don't give two flying fucks about anyone but yourself. It's really obvious when you start a network and name it after yourself. Are you out to make money with this network? If you say no ma'am then your a liar. Why more money Oprah? Your already a fucking billionaire. Isn't that enough? Or is it to make sure your only friends have jobs? Tell them to go to the goddamn unemployment office and find work!
Ms. Winfrey I hope this little letter finds you and your family healthy and happy. Otherwise take your fucking new network and shove it up your fat ass. :)
Biscuits and gravy. My lord above it has to be the most perfect comfort food ever. I grew up with a southern belle for a mother who can cook like no other motherfucker on this earth. Not trying to biased here, just being honest as all get out.
I can remember waking up on a Sunday morning and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes then my nose kicks into overdrive. What the hell is going on? I smell biscuits and gravy! I'm thinking that my momma really loves me now! That is till I walk out to the kitchen and notice my little brother shoveling that into his mouth like it was a fucking snowstorm and he worked for the DOT clearing a major highway!
He wonders 25 years later why I always walking by him and slapping him in the back of the fucking head. Theres your answer asshole! Mom always knew how to make my day better. If she knew I was having a bad day, she would call me to dinner and the next thing I knew I was sitting at the table with a full plate of biscuits and gravy! My lord above that woman loved me with all of her heart. (when she wasn't feeding my asshole brother biscuits and gravy!)
I can remember coming home after a girlfriend and I had broken up. (most likely I put it to her!) Mom always knew what to do. Biscuits and gravy! When I score my first touchdown and wanted to celebrate. Biscuits and gravy! When I hit the homerun to win the game. Biscuits and gravy. When Aunt Shirley went to the grave to soon... Biscuits and gravy! The time I stubbed my toe in 3rd grade and thought I was dying. Biscuits and gravy!
When I took my first girl to prom, Mom made sure to make us... Biscuits and gravy! When Dad came home after a 3 day drunken binge and was bitching. Guess what? Biscuits and gravy! When former President Ronald Reagan was shot, Mom soothed my soul and worrying about the affects on the United States of America with biscuits and gravy!
When I got married my mother tried to smother the wedding cake with biscuits and gravy! If my crazy wife wouldn't have been around, we would have had biscuits and gravy covered wedding cake! When my Uncle Terry passed away, Mom made sure to cover the casket with biscuits and gravy!
When all four of her grand babies were born, she tried to lather them in biscuits and gravy! You need to understand people, she's a southern belle and biscuits and gravy rank at the top of anything southern!
When my brother had his hip replaced, she help slide the new one in with biscuits and gravy! My lord this woman is a fucking saint! When Pops had a triple by-pass, they pumped out 33 gallons of biscuits and gravy! When Mel my wife turned 44 today guess what she did? She made biscuits and gravy! I've been known to take Momma's gravy pan and masterbate with it. I don't really masterbate, I kinda just fuck the gravy! I love Momma's biscuits and gravy!
Remember this people! Biscuits and gravy make the world go around. Thank you Momma!!!!
Around 10 years ago there was a mass shooting at Columbine High School in Columbine, Colorado. A couple of kids grabbed some semi-automatic weapons and had one hell of a day killing and injuring students and teachers alike.
These kids had been pondering what to do for weeks until the great shootout happened. They had sat down and figured out how and who to kill or either injure. Yesterday I was reading the newspaper when I notice a 17 year old kid took a gun to school and killed the vice principal and injured the principal. Then he took his own life.
What in God's name is going on with these kids? This kind of shit is seen each and everyday on the news. As I'm reading this report in the paper, I get to thinking. I'm thinking of how I was a high school kid. I remember some hard times from kids who thought they were the "shit" around the old high school. I remember getting into fights with dudes who were pissed because I was dating a girl they liked. The resident asshole was usually some fuckhead who's parents bought him "that" car everyone liked. Then you find out his parents aren't worth shit but they look good trying.
I remember when I was in high school and they so called "cool" kids picked on the shy ones. Belittling them till they ran to their cars and headed out. Finding the shy kids and beating them up for no reason. I'm not shitting when i say this but there were times that I stood up for the shy kids so the"cool" kids wouldn't beat them up. Now after remembering this shit I can understand why kids act out with violence.
We've got punk fuck kids thinking they are tough bastards picking on the weak kids. Thats bullshit. What the fuck is the tough kids going to do when they are staring down the barrel of a .38? I'll tell you what they are going to do. Shit themselves and kiss some major ass! Hell people they will offer to suck dick if they can live.
Now we have the internet with the social media being a major pain in the fucking ass! Kids today are bullying on the internet each and ever day. Facebook is a great thing to catch up with old friends but it's bitch on the kid being picked on at school. I'm going to be honest here, I dont know what I would have done when I was in school if this shit would have been around. Teachers can only do so much, parents can only try so much.
What we need to do is stop the social bullying. We need to enact more policing at the school levels. I know that school administrators are very very busy but we need something here. It's time for teachers to start noticing whats going on with their students. I know I know that they have tons of students but they have to atleast take a look. It's time for the parents to step up and be a fucking parent! My daughter was getting bullied in school and the internet a few years back and I took control. I confronted the other party along with their parents and let it be known it will not be tolerated. It stopped.
Make the bullies know that they aren't the cools one. If by chance you need to knock the fuck out of one of them, DO IT.
Let's let kids grow up with out bullshit. Let them grow and become something in society. If we don't help them, we'll end up with more deaths. It's a growing trend more and more each and every day. Step up and help people!
What's going on in Ann Arbor, Michigan and the Big House? The home to Michigan Wolverine football. You 3 seasons ago you let go of a very successful football coach because he isn't winning national championships at a record pace.
You then hire a guy from West Virginia because he's the flavor of the week. A quasi coach from a crap football school out east. He might have won a BIG EAST CHAMPIONSHIP but the Big East isn't the BIG10!
You were spoiled for over 30 years of college football Michigan. You had the mighty Bo as your coach since before time started. You then hire local boy Lloyd Carr who brings your programs wins plus respect. Then you get greedy! You want all the national championships that are out there. I can understand that. My problem is that you ran off Lloyd Carr for being a winner. Seems pretty damn stupid to me.
You ran off a man of character. You ran off a man who ran a clean program and won over 80% of the games he coached. His teams weren't put on probation. His teams went to BCS bowl games and the Rose Bowl. His team performed week in and week out! Then you run the poor son of a bitch off. God bless you alumni and boosters. Guess what? Sometimes change isn't always good.
You bring in the Mountaineer Rich Rodriguez. First thing RichRod does is lose. Second thing RichRod does is get your asses put on probation with violations of stupidity. RichRod tries to bring in an offense that needs different athletes then what were in Ann Arbor. That shit aint gonna fly people! You finally get to a bowl game in his 3rd season but get your asses kicked so bad it's the worst beating in all of Michigan bowl history.
Now you've pushed RichRod to the curb. (along with 2.5million) What are you going to do now? We all know you want Jim Harbaugh to come over from Stanford. Your thinking that the former star quarterback can put the program over the edge! You right, he can! Problem is... He's most likely going to coach in the NFL. You better get a name coach people. You better go big time or your going to lose more then a few games. It will take you years to right the ship if you don't go big.
Good luck to you Wolverines. Fix it now or enjoy the bottom of Big10!
Here we sit in one of our worst economic times in the history of the United States and people are worried bout what the fuck Michelle Obama is wearing while she get's off of Air Force1. My lord above you mother fuckers need a new hobby!
She's been away on a family vacation and you cocksuckers care about what the hell she's wearing when she gets off of the official plane? Kiss my redneck ass! For Christs sake she's married to the President of the United States!
Why do we give a flying fuck what she's wearing when she gets off of the goddamn plane? If you haven't noticed we are now living in 2011! She doesn't need to live like a fucking nun. She doesn't need to make sure she has the skirt of choice on to make everyone in America happy!
I know she's not the President of the United States but she still has tons of stress bestowed upon her. Let this woman be her own woman! Her husband might be the President but that's not her fault to give her shit about her private life!
I don't give a fuck if she comes out in a school girls outfit wearing no panties and she flashes her pussy to the national press! I dont give a fuck if she comes out of the oval office and flashes her tits to the world! It doesn't matter! It's her husband who needs to do well, not her.
Get off of her ass and start finding some other shit to report about! The Obama's aren't going away. Barrack might not have done the job you wanted but I didnt see anyone fucking with Laura Bush while her old man was a fucking idiot while in office! It's time to leave her alone and move on. Fuck George W. Bush and his ways and it's time to find another asshole to pick on!
Since my daughter got her mother and I on "facebook", I've really enjoyed everything about it. That is until people start stalking you. I guess me being paranoid by reading reports in the paper and on the net have been looking out for "facebook stalkers".
I really haven't noticed anything but I still worry. It's not like I have my social security number or anything out there or anything like that. I've just been noticing and reading how employers are using "facebook" for employee evaluations and for hiring practices. You mean you can't use a fucking resume? That's a shit practice in my opinion! My partner Zeke and I hire people all the time and we don't use "facebook" to sway our opinion.
I've noticed in high schools that principals, activity director's and others are using "facebook" to "check" up on students. If I'm a parent I'd be one pissed off motherfucker and take my laptop and shove it up some activity director's ass! The Nazi Group running our school systems are using facebook to make sure if our children are good or not. First of all assholes, it's not your place to check up on my kids. If they are being fuckheads and get caught being fuckheads by the local popo, then bust their collective asses. Until then fuck off!
What if I'm at a teachers house kicking back a few Miller High Life's and someone takes a picture of the said teacher and put it on facebook? Is that anyone's business? Fuck no it's not! What if I find a photo of a local law enforcement agent with him and his poodle? Do I report it to the law enforcement agency or the local animal control? I mean all the photo is, is the cop massaging his poodle nude. Is that anyone's business? Hell no it's not!
What if I'm taking a piss outside of my house and some goober takes a pic of it and posts it on facebook? Should I be fired for this? If I am, I'll tell you what. The neighbor and I are going to throw down! I promise you this. I refuse to let people judge me from facebook. How about if I'm celebrating my daughters graduation and some fuck takes a pic of me doing a keg stand and posts it on facebook? Is that my bosses business? Hell no it's not! I might decide to shave my ball sac and post it on facebook. It's no one's business but mine for Christs sake!
Next thing you know, the fucking government will be watching my facebook page to see if I'm making sure to thank George W. Bush for this fucked up world we live in. To end this rant all I have to say is..... Please do not let this "facebook" craze get the world stupid. I mean the 26 year kid who invented this thing is set for life and could most likely give a fuck about anyone on this site.
Make time to take time to get with your friends either by letter, phone, email or in person. Keep yourself in check on this facebook shit and do not give out to much info on this site. People are assholes looking for anything to fuck with you over.
